And the walls came tumbling down
by samanddianefan10
Summary: Michonne discovers feelings for Rick that she'd never, ever experienced in her life, let alone expected to find in this world they were living in. He's been broken, many times before. But this time Michonne was scared that nothing, not even her, could ever reach him again. New update!
1. Chapter 1

No one had seen Rick the whole next day. He'd known about the Wolves' attack- he had to have known. Everyone had questions, fears, worries about their future...and naturally, by now, most of the Alexandrians were turning to Rick for answers. Of course, there were some doubters, some who not only mistrusted Rick, they hated his very presence. Not so much whom he was, although even Michonne had to concede that Rick's actions had brought about some of their responses. She didn't blame them, but she didn't fault Rick. She saw Rick. She knew who he was, what he'd been through...why he was the way he was. She knew Rick.

Michonne didn't know Morgan well at all quite yet, but she knew she liked him. During some of hers and Rick's talks while out scouting around the prison, and during the aftermath..Rick had talked often of Morgan. She'd even met him once, but he was clearly not the same man that stood before her, questioning her about why Rick had chosen to go into hiding, why now, what were his plans.

Michonne was still in shock, realizing that Glenn was not coming back to them...she hurt for Maggie, for the loss of the young boy she'd come to trust as a friend (and even now she was careful to label just anyone a friend)...what the loss of Glenn would mean to her, to the group.

What Glenn's death would mean to Rick.

Michonne, wiping the blood, sweat and tears away from her face (whom they had belonged to, even she wasn't sure)...looked at Morgan.

She looked, didn't blink, but took a long, deep breath.

Still, she looked.

Morgan again persisted, wondering about the whereabouts of his friend, the only person in the world who knew of him, who had known his wife (albeit in walker form), and just as importantly, had known his son.

The two people in all of Alexandria most invested in Rick's well-being stood face to face, both struggling with the inner turmoil caused by the different events they'd both just survived.

Most of all, they worried about Rick.

Michonne didn't blink as she sternly but quickly stated, "Rick will be fine."

Morgan opened his mouth to question her, but she wasn't having any of it. Michonne didn't look back as she walked to the house Rick shared with his children, and replied once more. "Rick will be fine."

000000

Carl was sitting outside of his place, not even daring to go in. Michonne approached her friend's son, a boy whom in his own right came to mean a great deal to her. "Where's your dad?" she stated, hiding every bit of worry that she had about Rick. Carl's sister was gone, presumed dead by the hands of the Wolves. The sister that Carl's mother died while giving birth to, their shared mother Carl, he'd confided in her just once, Carl had to put down due to her injuries. Lori had never even gotten to hold her only daughter.

Carl was just playing with an empty can, just tearing the label off of it, ripping it piece by piece, anything to physically distract him from the prison of just being alive. "In there," he muttered, not even looked at Michonne. "Of course he's in there."

Michonne took away the can and looked down straight into Carl's eyes. "I know you didn't mean that..."

"Of course, he's hiding. That's what he does. When my mom died...I was the one having to kill her. At the prison, he got Hershel killed because his head was so far up his own..."

"That's enough," Michonne said so sternly that Carl actually jumped. He knew she'd never hurt him, and he knew she was the most fierce woman-person- he'd ever known. But still...his dad wasn't the only one whom was hurting.

"You don't know my dad!" Carl protested, standing to attention. "He hides. Where was he when all of this went down? On a stupid mission that he didn't need to do. That damn quarry could have waited. But no...my dad...he does what he wants, and he doesn't think."

"He's human, Carl. Your dad does what he thinks best," Michonne responded calmly.

"Best? Best? You come back here, Glenn's dead. My sister's dead! All these people here...dead! You think what my dad does is for the best? You don't know my dad the way I do," Carl spat out as he ran off, leaving a hurt but understanding Michonne behind.

She took a few minutes to compose herself, but then let herself in the house. She approached Rick's room, and knocked.

No answer.

"Rick, I know you're in there. You're going to have to come out," Michonne announced herself.

She waited, but heard nothing.

"Rick, I'm not going away. You can either let me in, or I'll knock this door down. I don't want to have to do this. But I will."

She gave him a minute. She tried turning the knob, and as suspected, the door was locked. "Rick, I'm not letting you do this. This door is going to have to come down."

She waited, fully intending to keep her word, gave him one more chance. "Rick this door between us, it has to come down."

She could hear the faintest trace of movements- he was definitely in that room. But he wasn't letting her anywhere near him. In a way, that was almost symbolic of their relationship.

She took a deep breath, readied her katana, but at that moment, Rick unlocked the door. He didn't open it to welcome her in, but he unlocked the door for her.

Even in the dark small room, with blankets upon blankets strewn over the window panes, Michonne could see Rick was hurting. His back was turned away from her- he'd now sat in the corner barricaded off by the dresser, his back to her.

Not much made her cry in this world. She wasn't crying now, but for the first time in a while, since the loss of Hershel- she sure wanted to cry.

She said nothing, trying to think of where to begin.

He astonished her by speaking up. "Close the door," he hoarsely barked at her.

She nodded, and complied. She felt her way to the bed, and she sat, looking at not much more than his back.

"Rick..." she started, strangely having a hard time finding the words to say to him.

"Leave me be," he emitted in his low, accented voice. She could almost audibly hear the pain in his voice. Not that she blamed him for hurting so at this moment.

"No, Rick." Michonne summed an inner reserve of strength that shocked even her. "I'm not leaving you."

Michonne didn't even flinch when he started to curse her out, ordering her to leave, barking that he never wanted to see her again.

They were hurtful, all of the words coming out of his mouth. He so violently protested her presence with his words that even Michonne felt her lip tremble. She wouldn't cry, no matter what.

This wasn't Rick. But then something else occurred to you. "Rick, it's me. I'm here."

"Well you're fucking stupid," he snapped.

"I wanted to say this is you, but I'd be lying. This is you, all right, Rick Grimes."

"Well then, there you go. You know me. So what the hell are you doing here?" Rick questioned, his head still facing downwards towards the floor. She could see he was rocking himself, a way to self-soothe. Her two year old son had done that when his father would yell at her after a night of drinking.

"Rick...this is you. You're stubborn and you're scared and you've messed up. There, I said it, so you don't need to. You messed up."

"Gee, and you're my friend..." he sighed.

"You listen to me, Rick. You messed up, but you did what no one else would. What no one else wanted to, what no one would have if they had wanted to, what no one else but you could have done. You did something, Rick. You did something."

"And now because I did something my little girl..."

"You stop that," she hushed him. "We don't know that. And if there's anyone in this world who knows how to find that little girl, it's you. But you can't do anything right now, Rick. You're like the rest of them here at Alexandria."

She knew that was a painful comment for her to say to him, but Michonne had a reason to say it. "Rick, you are here, doing nothing. Let me correct myself. You're feeling sorry for yourself. I would do, so don't take it that I'm condemning you for a really human reaction. That's just it, Rick. You're human. Your plans fell apart. You did something, though. You're a man who takes risk, who puts his balls out there for the public who is just chomping at the bits to castrate you bit by bit. You're a leader, Rick. That's who you are. You make decisions. You're looking out for everyone here, that's what makes you strong. Do you want to know your one weakness?"

Rick sighed. "Something tells me I'm going to hear it."

"You don't look out for yourself."

Rick didn't even turn around. "You see what happened today...I can't take care of anyone. Glenn..Judith...I have no business even taking care of a rock, let alone anyone else, myself included."

Michonne didn't even blink."Right now, you can't take care of yourself, I get that."

"So why are you here?"

"I'll take care of you."

Rick said nothing as he continued to move his upper body in slow, repetitive motions.

"I'm a woman of few words- I think you get that about me. You also get that I don't trust anyone, I don't let myself get close to anyone. I have my reasons, and I do get you're smart enough to figure that out," she whispered.

"If you're so smart why are you in here, looking after a failure, a weak man, a man who is so blind to the ways of this world that he got his own daugh.."

"Stop that!" Michonne spoke harshly. "We don't know that. Nobody knows that. All I know is that Daryl and Aaron are out there as we speak looking for that little girl. Why do you think they're doing that?"

Rick sighed. "Because they know that any man can do a better job being a protector of Judith.."

Michonne walked up and touched his shoulder, which he jerked away angrily. "Don't touch me!" he yelled to her surprise.

"I know you're angry, you're hurt, you're scared. It's okay. Let it out. I can take it."

"Why are you here, you're patronizing me. You're just like everyone else..."

Michonne gulped. "Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that you're not like everyone else. And from where I sit, that's a good thing. A damn good thing."

Expecting him to turn around, for him to react, nonetheless she continued despite his motionless rejections of her attempts to comfort him. "You're not like everyone else. You make the hard and uncomfortable calls. You make sure things get done, that we all do what we need to get done. You're a strong, strong man, Rick. But being the leader, I imagine, is the loneliest position in the world."

Nodding, he just muttered "you have no idea."

"I do have an idea. I watch you. I've seen you struggle, I've seen you come back from the brink of insanity, I've seen you fall and pull yourself back up by the bootstraps. I've seen you every morning make the decision before you get out of bed to do what you have to do to survive, to make sure we all survive. You're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, when the weight would cause all of us put together' shoulders to collapse. You're a brave man, Rick. You're fearless, you are the most loyal person I've ever met. But most of all...you're human. You're human, and you cannot possibly take on the world all by yourself."

His voice cracking, Rick barely was able to speak. "I feel like I have to..."

"You don't have to, Rick, because I'm here. You're not alone. I will support you as you rise and I will be here to catch you when you fall. You're not alone. You have me. You always have and you always will."

The morning sun breaking through Rick's attempts to drown out his world, Rick turned to look at her, and he realized he was seeing a whole new side of Michonne. A side, that in his right mind, he would appreciate, cling to forever.

"Michonne..." he sighed. "I'm...I'm sorry...Carl, he hates me..."

"No he doesn't. He's a teenage boy. Before this..this world we now occupy, think back. When you were a teenage boy, didn't you ever go through a phase where you hated your parents?"

Rick wanted to protest, but he smiled a very exhausted and while smile. "Michonne..."

She walked up and kissed the top of his head. "Give me your hand, Rick. You're going to go to sleep, and I'm going to stay right here with you until you're rested. Don't fight me on this. I don't give up easily."

He nodded and obeyed. "That's why I love you, Michonne."

He was asleep in seconds, but Michonne stared at him, his blanket wrapped around his body firmly as he lay on his stomach.

"I love you, too, Rick."

She hadn't really ever uttered those words to any man in her life. And she was sure Rick, in his state of mind had no idea what he was saying, and hadn't meant it the way it sounded.

But Michonne knew exactly what she was saying. She told him she loved him, and she did mean it.

As it turned out, the walls of Alexandria weren't the only one to come under attack. For now, Alexandria was still in tact. But the walls..the walls to Michonne's heart had not only come under attack, they had been completely torn down. Let the world tumble around them. An unexpected and amazing feeling crept across her heart as she wanted to reach out to Rick, to hold his hand, to assure him that there was still hope, despite the utter hopelessness of their situation.

It was at the moment Michonne saw all the blood, and her eyes had wandered and realized that Rick no longer had his hand...it was at that moment she knew she would love Rick Grimes for the rest of her existence.

She just prayed she would survive long enough for Rick to realize that.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Michonne kept her word- she sat in the chair for what seemed like days, although she was sure that was just it...hours that seemed like days, watching Rick.

Once she was certain he'd fallen into a deep slumber, she did get up to take a look at the damage, looking after the trail of blood he'd left as he'd climbed into bed.

Her worst fears confirmed- Rick Grimes had removed his own hand- the only reason she'd concluded that he'd done so was that he'd been bitten by a walker

Michonne fought off tears, staved off the sheer emotional exhaustion that had overcome her, and without waking him, she tended to his wound.

She'd gone to gather medical supplies- thank God they'd found Alexandria. People looked at her, but Michonne walked stoically ahead, not making eye contact with anyone.

Out of the corner of her eye she kept watch for Carl, but he'd presumably gone to bed, somewhere other than at the home he shared with his father.

Once she'd returned to Rick, she gently took his arm- it was a gruesome site, but she didn't even flinch as she washed off the blood, applied ointments, and carefully bandaged it with a fresh wrap she'd found. Rick was so exhausted that despite a few groans, he'd never even woken up long enough to protest.

With the wound being so fresh- and it looked like Rick had to perform the amputation himself- Michonne knew that he needed constant care for the next few days at least. She knew him- he would protest that he didn't need her help, that he didn't want her to feel sorry for him, that he would insist on going to find Judith.

Still, she'd remind him that's what Daryl and Aaron were doing, and should Rick bleed out, well, that would be disastrous for Judith. In this crazy, monster filled world (both of the human and the dead varieties), Judith was the lone representative of pure innocents. She was a baby who hadn't asked to have been born, who could not take care of herself, who relied on her father, Carl, and her extended family to protect her.

She was just a baby.

Michonne sat back in her seat across from Rick, traces of his blood still on her own hands and arms. She needed to clean up, but thoughts of Judith permeated her mind, rendering her incapable of leaving her spot.

Judith.

Michonne had developed a close relationship with Carl- she quickly forgot his youthful age, and they'd found a true sense of kinship in their friendship. They could joke at times, he could confide in her things that he hadn't been able to share with Rick, and she looked out for him-albeit at a distance, for she understood that was trying to find himself, that he wanted to prove how capable he really was.

Carl was a good kid. No wonder Rick was so proud of him.

And then there was Judith.

Michonne had heard plenty of tales of her mother, Lori. Her heartbreaking death giving birth to Judith.

And then there were the stories of her affair with Shane, Rick's one time best friend, now no longer of this earth.

Rick wouldn't talk about it...but others had confided in her. She knew that Lori had turned to Shane quickly after coming to believe Rick was dead.

She also knew that Rick's love for Lori and their child had kept him alive, had given him the will to live long enough to reunite with his family. And so, that sole purpose ahead of him, Rick had succeeded. He'd found his family, and thus began the makeshift family of various survivors of all different races and ages that she'd come to think of as her own family. The very people she put herself in the line of fire for on a daily basis to protect, to look out for. Every one of their little group, Michonne knew she would die for. But she also knew she was too strong to die any time soon.

Michonne thought back to when she'd first met Rick. He was a different person then, or at least, in a very different state of mind.

She watched, said very little, but she watched him go through different stages of grief. She hadn't been part of the group at the prison very long then, but she knew the others worried, that they depended on him, that they weren't sure what to do to help him, or even if Rick could have been helped.

If she had only met Rick Grimes without his extended family, she very likely could have formed an entirely different opinion of the man. But she learned as much, if not more, about him from Carl, from Daryl, from Hershel and all the others back at the prison than she could have from Rick himself.

What Michonne learned about Rick was that he was a human, a very, very, very tired man who'd been shouldering too much responsibility for way too long, and sometimes even the man who looked after everyone else needed someone to look after him. Even if he was too prideful to admit that.

And that's what she would do. She would stay here, make sure he woke up from this first bout of sleep. She'd determine the extent of his damages- both the physical and emotional ones- and if she thought it appropriate and felt safe that Rick would recover, and not do something stupid like go out and take on too much- only then would Michonne join the search for Judith.

She had tried to stop the governor, tried to kill him, had put out a daily search.

And she'd failed, leading to heartbreaking consequences for the group, and for Hershel, whom she still missed.

But these animals had Judith...and despite her lack of sleep, despite being shell-shocked at the realization that Glenn had died- despite her concern for Carl's well being, and the safety of Alexandria- Michonne knew one thing.

Rick would have his daughter again, and she would not ever, ever stop until she saw to it that that little girl was safe and sound in the arms of her daddy.

She bit her lip, a new-found resolution awakening in her like never before, when there was a knock on the door.

Michonne went to the front and saw Carol standing outside, looking quite solemn.

"Rick, how is he?" Carol asked without a trace of emotion.

"Those bastards took his little girl, how do you think he is?" Michonne snapped, realizing the gravity of the situation was taking its toll on her.

If Carol was offended, she certainly didn't show it. "Deanna would like to see you and Rick...all of us."

"Rick cannot leave his bed, he's tired, doesn't she realize that?" Michonne questioned.

"I know that there is a group meeting about Rick's presence here, and it would be best if he were there..." Carol explained.

Michonne glared at her, realizing very quickly the implication of this meeting. "What? You mean you people are daring to even consider kicking Rick out now...now of all times? Alexandria could be destroyed at any moment, and now Deanna wants to kick Rick out? Doesn't she realize everyone will die without him?"

Carol didn't say much, and she didn't reveal a trace of emotion. "We're gathering by the front gate in half and hour. It would be appreciated if you could bring Rick there."

Carol turned around, and Michonne wanted to go after her. "Drop the act, Carol. It's me you're talking to. I know you! You can't be part of this...you can't want to be part of this. You shouldn't even pretend to want to be part of this. This is Rick we're talking about. Rick! Don't do this, Carol. You know him, Carol. You know what he's going through..."

Carol blinked, taking the hit that Michonne had clearly aimed towards her. By that last sentence, it was clear Michonne had been referencing Carol's own fears and pain and struggles when her daughter Sophia had been missing.

She'd been missing, and had never come back to Carol, not in the form that Carol had known and loved.

Carol turned, looked at Michonne, smiled that artificial smile that she used in dealing with the Alexandrians, and repeated herself. "Please make sure that Rick will be joining us. Thank you."

And she turned to walk away, and Michonne was mad. Mad at Carol, mad at Deanna, but most of all, mad that Rick had gotten himself into such a position where even Michonne wasn't quite sure she would be enough to justify his staying at Alexandria.

With a deep sinking feeling, Michonne closed the door behind her and went to deliver the news to Rick.

This next hour or so should be very, very revealing indeed. Not only the group would learn Rick was missing his own hand, but the feelings of the Alexandrians and "Rick's group" would be revealed to see if they cared enough to continue to support Rick during his moment of need.

With or without them, one thing was certain more than ever: Michonne was not leaving Rick's side, not then, nor anytime soon.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Michonne had to let Rick know about the meeting- she was sure he would have been angry with her for not keeping him informed, despite any attempt to keep him safe on her part. This was not what she wanted, and it certainly wasn't what Rick needed, but it looked like this was the way things were to play out.

Rick had been sure to cover his hand by throwing a jacket over his arm, disguising the bandage that marked where his hand had been. He'd looked at the dressing, then looked at Michonne. "Did you do this?"

Nodding, she didn't say a word, as she figured Rick would talk about it when he was ready to.

"The others- they can't know about this. Not now!" he barked. "Is that clear?"

Clearly even to Michonne his reasoning was that he did not want the group's pity, and she conceded he had a right to know their honest feelings. She wasn't happy about it, but she went along with Rick's wishes. Nothing else was said as they left Rick's house and made their way to the central part of their housing complex.

Rick looked around, and Michonne did too via the corner of her eye, gauging the reaction of the crowds. No one of their immediate inner circle of friends looked at them, and there were more than a few remaining Alexandrians glaring at him.

Deanna and Rick stood face to face, with Michonne stepping back and blending herself in with the front of the crowd that had gathered around.

"Rick," Deanna slowly started, taking her time to complete her sentence. "Rick...I trust that Michonne informed you of what happened here while you attempting to redirect the herd." She drew out the word 'attempting', making it crystal clear to all that she was not happy with his action, not by a long shot.

Rick, still feeling weakened, his emotions running amok at the events of the past day or so...he looked around, saw stacks of bodies..those of both people he recognized as residents of Alexandria, as well as bodies of men whom he did not recognize. His gut instinct just in the first few seconds of viewing those bodies told him something bad, something really bad went down. He struggled to recall what he'd learned when coming back to this little group..something about a brutal attack, and that's when he'd realized that Judith had gone missing. It felt like another punch to the gut when those memories flooded his mind, and he struggled to pay attention to what Deanna had to say.

"First of all, Daryl and Aaron haven't returned yet from their mission to find your daughter, although I'm expecting them back any minute now," Deanna said plaintively. " Rick...I'm going to get to the point, and I want you listen, to let me...to let us all have our say. There are many, many feelings and opinions about you right now...we need to all have our say. There will be time for you to speak up once we've all shared. For now, please, while I know this is difficult...I ask you to remain calm and to pay attention to what we want to address."

I've tried to hold my tongue," Deanna continued. "There have just been too many things, too many occurances...too many deaths since you've come into our community. My husband and my son among those victims. I understand that you feel you know more, that you know what this world has become...but our system...it was working. It was working,Rick!" Deanna stopped to breathe. She looked like she clearly had more to say, but then looked around at the others.

Ron spoke up. "I saw Rick, I saw the roamers all trapped in that canyon," he started. Rick knew this was going to be bad news. "Rick didn't have to do this. He didn't need to move them. They were all in one area. They weren't going anywhere."

Rick looked at him, and Michonne was ready to attack, but then Rick touched her arm. "Don't," he whispered.

Other people began to speak up...many of the Alexandrians also shared Deanna and Ron's viewpoint.

Deanna looked at Jessie. "How do you feel about Rick being here, or is an unbiased opinion even an option from you?"

Jessie, in tears, shook her head. "I have nothing to add."

Rick protested. "Jessie, you know me. You know I want to keep you safe, your family safe- to keep every one of us all safe."

"How many times have you ordered your people to not worry about saving us, only your people's lives are the ones who matter?" Ron asked, causing an uneasy rush of murmuring amongst the crowds.

"That's not what I mean! You don't get it, do you? My little girl is missing...you can all crucify me later if you want- but right now I'm going to bring her home, and nothing any of you can say is going to stop me."

"Certainly," Deanna conceded, "we aren't going to stop you from searching for your little girl. The question is...are we willing to continue to give you shelter?"

Rick looked around at his group, no one making eye contact with him.

Deanna picked up on this. "Let's take this matter to your own people, shall we? Carol..you've been a terrific neighbor, a wonderful addition to our community, and from what I understand...you single- handedly saved the remaining friends and families of our little town from those animals while Rick was out on his ill—fated mission. What do you think? Carol, do you support our asking Rick Grimes to leave Alexandria?"

Rick,now sweating and still struggling to maintain control of the pain that was rushing throughout his body, looked at Carol. "Carol.." he choked up. You know who I am. You know what I'm about. You of all people know what I'm aiming to do for us...for everyone..."

Carol, obvious to only Rick and Michonne still for some reason kept on her artificial facade of being Suzie Homemaker."I don't know, and please don't ask for my opinion. I support the decision of the group." She bowed her head, looking to others to be humble, but to Rick and Michonne, to be quite the traitor.

Deanna turned to Sasha. "You've lost many along your journey, is that correct?"

Sasha wouldn't- couldn't- look at Rick. She didn't answer, but Gabriel spoke up. "Sasha...you of all people have witnessed the trail of blood and tears that follows Rick Grimes every where he goes. Bob, your brother..."

"Stop!" Sasha raised her hand in the air, unable to look at Rick.

"Sasha," Deanna pressed. "Would you feel safer here knowing that Rick is no longer living amongst us, no longer making decisions that take the lives of our family and friends- the lives of your family and friends?"

Sasha wiped the tears from her face."Please don't ask me to do this. I can't...Rick, he's a good man."

"But since joining his group, you lost both your friend Bob and your brother, no?"

Sasha didn't say a word. Her eyes met Rick's..."I'm sorry.." she whispered before stepping back with the crowds.

"Abraham- you've been a staunch supporter of Rick. You went on that journey...do you think Rick Grimes is an asset or would you deem him a liability to our environment?" Deanna questioned.

"Rick is a fine man," Abraham said plaintively.

"You didn't answer the question...would you feel safer living in Alexandria if Rick were no longer living among us?"

"Yes." His answer was short, devoid of emotion, and the emotions of the crowds continued to rise.

"You don't know what he's come up against!" Tara cried out. "There are bad people out there...Rick knows they are out there, he can come up with a plan."

"How did his plan for the governor work out for your sister and friends?" Deanna questioned. "You shared with me your losses, for which I'm truly sorry. But can you honestly say that Rick has kept your family safe?"

"It wasn't like that. It was...it was the Governor," Tara cried out. "He was the one who went to attack Rick..."

"It seems Rick has a tendency to attract many 'friends' wherever he goes," Ron snidely remarked. Michonne took a step to confront him, but Rick just told her not to bother.

"Rick.." Tara cried. "Your people...you took me in. I remember..." the tears were now running down her face. "During the attack...when the governor attacked your people at the prison...when he was about to kill Hershel and Michonne..."

"What do you remember?" Michonne snapped,barely able to hide her growing resentments of every one of the people in this crowd.

"No," Tara tearfully shook her head. "I'm not trying to be mean. Rick...he tried to negotiate with the governor, he tried to get him to ...to come up with a different way. He said our people and his...we could all live together. He wanted to share his living space rather than to have people die..."

Deanna looked at the crowds. "From what I understand, that did not work out well for any of the group, let alone Dr. Greene whom I've learned of through his daughter Maggie. So what Tara might be saying is that now...he saw that shared space was not an option for his opponent, this 'governor' and their people...and we all know he doesn't truly value the lives of us here at Alexandria, the ones whom offered him food, shelter, safety. I could venture that Rick Grimes is not unlike this 'governor' in that he will stop at nothing to ensure the lives of whom he deems fit to live."

Tara, still crying, looked at Rick. "that's not what I meant! I didn't mean...Rick, I'm sorry. I'm sorry! You took me in...I don't you to go. We can't do this to him! He has a little girl out there!" she caught her breath and looked at Eugene. "Eugene..." she rapidly spat out. "Eugene...tell her. Tell her what kind of man Rick is. Tell him how he's..he's brave and he does everything to keep people together...tell him he's going to keep us safe. Tell him, Eugene."

Eugene looked at Abraham, who still looked at the ground. He was clearly scared, out of his element here, and he wanted to just go away and hide. But he looked at Tara, and he found a strength to do what he had to do, to say what had to say. "Rick..." he looked at Tara, who nodded and smiled at him. Eugene smiled back and continued, forcing himself to look straight at Rick. "I cannot proclaim that I know Rick Grimes well, as well as many others here do. But I do know...the man has courage and inner conviction that most of us go our entire lives struggling to find. It's been an honor to know Rick Grimes, and I honestly can say that I approve of his hairstyle choice."

Everyone stared at him, and Eugene looked at Tara and Abraham. "That was a joke, because I have read that in times of tension a sense of humor is key to keeping perspective. It ..it was a joke. I do apologize for my ill-conceived sense of humor."

Tara walked over and took her friend's hand. "I'm proud of you, Eugene." She kissed him on the cheek. Eugene smiled at the unexpected gesture of affection.

Rosita looked at Abraham, wishing that her own man, much, much physically and emotionally stronger than Eugene, would have been just a bit more like the mullet-haired man she came to see as a friend.

Deanna started to speak, but Michonne could hold back no longer.

"What is wrong with you...what is wrong with all of you? Those walkers we have out there...there would be at least twice, if not three times as many out there ready to kill us if Rick hadn't taken action! Everything...I mean everything...Rick does is to ensure the survival of those he cares about. Maybe you don't think he cares about the people from Alexandria as much as he does those of us he's been through so much with...but he will keep you safe. Would you rather trust a man like Rick Grimes who does something with your life, or someone you eat dinner with every Sunday but who has no idea in the world how to shoot a gun? Dinner is nice, but unless you're armed and ready to use that gun without a moment of hesitation, you're going to be that walker's dinner. Are you ready for that? Any of you? Because that is exactly what life will be like without Rick Grimes, not that any of us will live a long life without him here."

No one said a word. Michonne turned her fury to Carol. "And you...you...not everyone knows the real you, but I do. Rick does. What you do here, who you are here...okay, that's cool. I get that. But what about Sophia?"

Carol's eyes widened. "You know nothing of my daughter."

"I know that Rick and Daryl put their lives at risk trying to bring your little girl back to you. Daryl's your boy, yes, we all know that. He wasn't the only one fighting to bring Sophia home to you. Shane was trying at every turn to convince Rick and everyone else to abandon the search, to leave Hershel's farm without your ever knowing what happened to your daughter. And now...you stand here and are fine with Rick leaving and not having a place to bring his daughter home to? Are you so cold, so disconnected from any trace of humanity that you've forgotten what it's like to have a little girl you love so much you would die to keep, and die trying to ensure her survival? Have you forgotten?" Michonne hissed, and all eyes were on Carol for her reaction.

If Carol was hurt at all by Michonne's comments, she didn't show it. "that was a long time ago."

Michonne shook her head then turned to Maggie. "I knew your father. Remember, I was held hostage alongside of your father in his final moments? I was inches away from him when he...I was there watching Hershel try to reason with that madman governor, he told them we could find a way to live together. And then there on the fields...maybe you were too far away to hear the conversation...but I was there. Rick, he told the governor exactly what your father had separately told him. Rick told him we could find a way to live together. Rick had learned a lot from your father, Maggie."

Deanna put her hand in the air. "As a grieving widow myself, I'm curious as to Maggie's thoughts as to our living arrangement with Rick."

Maggie looked at Rick. "I'm pregnant."

Everyone grew quiet, and a loud gasp filled the air.

"It's true. Glenn, he would get frustrated..." she smiled through her tears. "He wondered why I was so moody, why one minute I'd be...I'd be in the mood, and ten minutes later before we had a chance to, you know...I passed out sound asleep. I've been crying easily, I've thrown up...I talked to Olivia. She found a pregnancy test in the supply room. I'm having a baby. I'm having Glenn's baby," her brief smile at her memories with Glenn turned to tears, and no one blamed her one bit for crying.

"Maggie..." Deanna spoke up. "I'm so sorry for what you're going through. This child...we'll take care of you and your child. I am sorry to have to ask...but do you want your child raised under the same living arrangement as Rick Grimes? Would you want Rick to be responsible for the well being of your baby?"

"That's not fair!" Michonne protested, but Rick grabbed her arm. "Don't. It's okay," he whispered.

Maggie looked at Rick. "I know you...I thought I did. But all I know is that since meeting you, my daddy was beheaded..."

A loud gasp of shock resonated throughout the crowds.

Maggie continued. "My daddy died, my sister is dead, now Glenn..."

"Maggie, do you want Rick in this living area?" Deanna questioned.

Maggie stared at Rick. "No. No, I do not."

And then Rosita and Tara rushed to embrace and comfort a crying Maggie, and everyone else turned their attention to Rick.

"Don't you know..." he shouted, quite emotional himself. "Don't you know what I've done,what I've tried to do for you...for all of you? I've tried to keep you all safe, to get food, to get weapons, to teach you to protect yourselves. I've looked for you, I've never given up on you...on any of you! You want to tell me to leave...I won't go. I won't."

The remaining men of Alexandria walked towards Rick. "What, are you going to kill unarmed men?" One questioned.

"You want me to leave?" Rick shouted. "Fine. Fine. I'll go. You're on your own. Deanna, you're sentencing every person here to death. Those monsters will be back. Do you really think you're prepared to defend yourselves? You don't even know how to put down a walker!"

Just then Ron presented Rick with a bagful of his things. Rick looked around, and he saw that the decision had been made.

"Carl.." he choked up. "Carl, get your things."

"I'm not going."

Everyone looked at Carl. "You're my dad and all...but you can't keep us safe. You can promise to protect us from those men, you can promise to get those walkers away from our walls and bring Glenn back all at the same time? Can you?"

"Carl I'm your father, dammit!"

"I'm not going, dad."

Michonne grabbed Rick's arm. "Let's go."

As Michonne started to walk alongside of Rick, Deanna shouted after her. "You don't have to leave, Michonne. You're a fierce warrior...our people could use you here."

Michonne stared icily at her. "You don't want Rick, you don't get me. Where Rick goes, I go. Rick is my home." She stared down Carl, hoping to cut him with that remark, and without another word, and neither of them looking back, Rick and Michonne walked away from the group, off to find another home for themselves- just the two of them.


	4. Chapter 4

It was shortly after Rick and Michonne had presumably found an exit out of the gates to Alexandria when Daryl and Aaron arrived. People were still standing around in the center of the town. Maggie was being comforted by Rosita, Tara had fallen into Eugene's arms, crying. She knew what Rick had done for her- he didn't have to welcome her into their group. Even during the attack with the governor, Rick had singled her out, he'd seen that she was not like that evil man who killed an innocent old man. Rick gave her another chance to survive, and now- now he was on his own. He had Michonne, and together they were a fierce team. But still with so many predators and walkers around, Rick and Michonne were ultimately just two people against a world of evil. Eugene wasn't sure what to do, but he awkwardly tapped her back as she sobbed, not even hiding her feelings of the loss of her friendship with Rick and Michonne.

Abraham watched this, and he decided to follow Eugene's lead, which was kind of a weird twist as Abraham was clearly a leader while Eugene was...Eugene. Abraham reached out for Rosita's hand, but she abruptly pulled away and stormed away from him, not giving him a second glance as she headed as far away from him as she could.

"What's going on?" Daryl muttered, wondering why his closest female friends, save for Carol, were crying.

He thought too soon on that one.

Carol looked at Daryl, and she caught him off guard by running into his arms, and everyone could hear Carol start to sob.

Aaron looked at Daryl. He knew Daryl considered Carol his closest friend, and Daryl had become a good friend to Aaron himself, so he also wondered what's going on.

"Carol?" Daryl muttered, confused.

"Oh, Daryl," Carol cried. "It's Rick."

"What happened to Rick!" Daryl distanced himself for a minute from his friend. "Where's Rick?"

"They had to go, Daryl," Carol continued.

Deanna watched on curiously, grateful for Carol to take the initiative to do damage control with Daryl. The group had suffered enough with the loss of their friends, family members, and particularly the ability of Michonne to fend off attackers. Deanna felt herself start to crumble under the strain of it all, so when Carol took the time to explain to Daryl...that was good. The group could not have any chance of survival if Daryl were to leave the group as well.

"What do mean? Who's they? What the hell you talking about?"

Carol stood back, wiped her eyes, and wiped her nose with the sleeve of her sweater. "I'm sorry, Deanna," she looked at the spokeswoman for the Alexandrians. "I know I'm not supposed to cry...but Michonne, she talked of my little girl. " Carol looked in the air. "I miss my daughter so much, so..."

Daryl looked at her. Something strange was going on. "Michonne's gone too? Where are Rick and Michonne?" he demanded.

Ron stood forward to try to talk, but Carol, still crying, shook her head. "It's better he hear this from me. Daryl...Rick...he's just put too many of us in danger. He can't be trusted. None of us feel safe with him around."

Daryl's face reddened as he circled around Carol. "What are you talking about? That's Rick! Rick! You know.."

"All I know," Carol spoke up, "is that people are right. Everywhere Rick goes, people die. Sophia died when Rick was supposed to protect her."

No one had ever, ever, seen Daryl so red in the face, so visibly angry. "What the fuck...Rick cared for that little girl!"

Carol looked around, and now many of the Alexandria women were offering her their shoulders to cry on. "Rick was trying to save Sophia, but he walked away from her. He left her to fend for herself while he escaped. Sophia was just a little girl."

Daryl began to yell and curse at Carol. Aaron had never seen the side of Daryl who was so mad, so hurt.

Out of the corner of Carol's eye, she could see Gabriel whispering something to Deanna. But still...all she could focus on was how Rick got everyone killed.

"You know Rick did everything to save Sophia!" Daryl screamed, and no one, not one person dared speak.

"I know you were out there every day looking for her. Rick was worrying if Lori and Shane..." then she looked at Carl and shook her head. "I'm sorry. I've said too much...but Rick...he's a good person. Bad things happen when he's around, and that's all I know."

Suddenly the group all thought of how Rick was going after Jessie, and Pete later wound up dead-after killing Reg. Was it a pattern of Rick's to worry more about woman than about his friends and family? Deanna, as she processed these revelations about Rick, was now more certain than ever that banishing Rick had been the right thing to do.

"You got to be kidding me! Rick did so much for you, for all of us!" Daryl shouted. "We'd all be dead if it weren't for him."

"Daryl, remember when Rick threw me out of the group because he was mad I wasn't doing chores the right way the rest of the women were?" Carol asked so quickly, not giving a confused Daryl the time to answer. "He told me I'd be fine. I was fine. Rick will be fine. It's for the best."

Carol touched his arm, but Daryl pulled back. "Don't you touch me! I don't know you anymore. Why don't you just go bake you a damn cake or something! Leave me alone!"

Carol made eye contact with Deanna. "I'm sorry...I don't know...I think I need to lay down."

Deanna nodded. "It's understandable. Holly please escort Carol back to her place, make sure she has what she needs to get a good sleep in."

Daryl looked at Carl. "Your dad's gone..."

Carl nodded.

"But you're here?"

"Carol's right. We all see how my dad is. My dad is too stupid to..."

Everyone jumped where the stood as Daryl stormed up to Carl and looked him the eye. Aaron grabbed Daryl's arm, just in case. He didn't think Daryl would ever hit a kid, but still...Aaron held Daryl back.

"He's your dad! What's wrong with you? What's wrong with all of you?"

"Daryl, I realize you're angry and confused...we all are," Deanna sighed. "Aaron, take Daryl back to his place...we could stand here and analyze Rick Grimes all day, but there are thousands of roamers outside these walls and we'd make better use of our time trying to figure out how to get rid of them."

Daryl stared down Carl, jerked his arm away from Aaron, and walked off.

But a female voice kept him from totally abandoning the group.

"Daryl? Did you find Judith...or Glenn?" A tearful Maggie asked.

Daryl and Aaron exchanged looks. "No. No. But I'm going out there again. I'm not giving up on them. I ain't like the rest of you'all turning your backs on a friend. I'm taking off and I won't stop till I bring back Judith and Glenn. Rick could have been the one helping me..." Daryl spat on the ground and took off.

Gabriel touched Deanna's back. "This was hard, but this was the right thing to do."

She looked at him. "I hope you're right," she icily replied before walking away, off to find her own place of solitude in order to try to figure out what to do about the walkers.

"You did the right thing," Ron patted Carl on the back. "Your dad was kind of an asshole anyways."

Carl pushed him away. "He's an asshole but he's my dad. You're always going to be an asshole, and I'm never going to see my dad again."

And Carl took off, and the group broke up, wondering among themselves if banishing Rick, and in doing so losing Michonne, would wind up being the ultimate fatal decision for them all.

tbc


	5. Chapter 5

Michonne and Rick had to really fight their way out of Alexandria- which was ironic considering how hard Rick had fought to stay there. He had been determined to fight no matter what, but even Michonne saw what his turning point was. It was Carl.

Michonne had quickly grown to love Carl. They'd developed a rapport that she'd never see him have with anyone else, not even with his own dad. It had been curious to her, but in hindsight, she understood Carl better than anyone else did. They'd talked many times, and he'd shared with her things that not even Rick knew that Carl thought about.

The comment from Carol about Lori and Shane really upset Michonne. That was a low blow, and quite unnecessary. When she'd first come into contact with the group, the sting of Lori's death was quite raw, especially for Rick. No one spoke much of Lori- they were busy worrying about the governor, rightfully so. But even then Michonne had gotten a sense that the group purposely avoided talking to Rick about her. Andrea, during their time on the road together, had talked of Rick, of how Lori had been sleeping with Shane, how hurt Rick had been. Michonne had questioned why Shane had been allowed to stay with the group once Rick had returned, but Andrea had gone strangely silent on the subject of Shane.

It was only after she'd earned the trust of the group that she'd heard more bits and pieces of the story- Rick had killed Shane, though no one quite knew why. A few people expressed the idea that Rick had been jealous and not in his right mind, but they couldn't really fault Rick for that.

That was odd for Michonne...yes, clearly Rick was often quick to act out of emotion rather than logic, but even in times of extreme duress Rick wouldn't just kill a human unless they were attacking him or his people. Rick had loved Shane like a brother- she thought she'd heard someone say they'd went to high school together, but she couldn't remember who told her that. Maybe it was Andrea.

Andrea...it seemed like a million years ago since she'd found her in those words.

Everyone had their ghosts it seemed, a ghost of either friend or foe that would haunt them forever.

Rick's ghosts were clearly Lori and Shane.

She had Andrea, the governor, her boyfriend...

Then there was Andre.

"Hey..."

Michonne looked over and saw Rick grabbing her hand for support.

"Michonne..you okay?"

No. No, she wasn't okay. But she couldn't let Rick know that, not then. He needed her to be strong, even when she herself was lost in a world of hurt, confusion and painful memories, not to mention with an uncertain future ahead of her.

"I'm fine, Rick. You want to stop? There's a little spot...we're good on the walkers for a while."

"No. I'm not stopping until I find my daughter!" Rick grimaced, his bad arm jerking.

She walked ahead of him. "We're taking a rest. It won't be all day, but you're going into shock. You're not going to be any good in finding Judith if you bleed out before we get any tracks on her. Sit."

He looked at her, and it was obvious he had so much to say. The hurt, the physical and emotional kinds...Rick suddenly looked like he was about a hundred years old. At least.

He wanted to protest, to yell, to lash out, but she gently touched his face, nodded at him, and then she picked up his bag, freeing him to kind of caress his weakened arm until they both found temporary shelter under the tree.

He sank down, his back against the wood, splinters breaking through his shirt and prodding his skin, but Rick didn't complain. He sat, staring in stone cold silence while Michonne rewrapped the bottom of his hand where his hand had been. But first, to Rick's surprise, she'd pulled out a tube of ointment and carefully caressed his wrist and arm, rubbing the medicine on his wounded skin.

"You stole that?" he asked in bewilderment.

"What, are you going to arrest me?" she replied, focusing on taking care of his injury.

But she looked up after hearing what, if she hadn't known better, sounded like a small chuckle from Rick. Her eyes met his, and she flashed a smile in return of the one he was giving her.

"No," he sighed. "I'm not going to arrest you. I'm definitely not going to arrest you. Carol on the other hand..."

She could see him trying to process things, and that he was very, very tired. She pulled him to her to where his head was resting on his shoulder. "Ssh. Don't think about that. All that will do is bring you down."

Too tired to protest, Rick quickly fell into a sleep, while Michonne stared ahead, on guard for any sign of attackers, both the dead and undead variety.

Andrea had chosen to stay at Woodbury. She'd chosen the governor over Michonne, and she'd never forget the hurt she felt by Andrea's decision.

She heard Rick kind of snore, and briefly Michonne rested her cheek against his.

She, too, knew the pain that a betrayal of a loved one brought. Rick's entire family had turned on him, starting way back with Lori and Shane.

Why, she wondered. What was wrong with this people...Lori, it was clear to Michonne, hadn't gotten Rick, hadn't gotten whom he was and therefore could never really appreciate what kind of husband, what kind of man he was.

But Michonne did see. She saw a lot more than even Rick knew that she observed in him. The only thing that she knew was that she was no Lori, no Andrea. No man, woman, no force on earth would ever willingly keep her away from Rick's side.

As she listened to Rick growl,cough, snore, make all sorts of noises in his uneasy sleep, Michonne realized one thing.

After losing Andre, she'd thought she no longer really had a purpose on earth. Survival was one thing...but living was another thing entirely.

She'd survived after losing her family, her son, Andrea. She'd survived after all the losses of her new group.

But resting on her arm, thankfully oblivious to Michonne's stirring emotions, was the reason Michonne knew that she was no longer just surviving. She was living, she was alive again, and there was nothing Rick Grimes could do that was going to cause her to ever, ever want to stop sharing a life with him, in whatever kind of way they could live.

Rick Grimes had what he'd never really had before...in Michonne, he had found a friend for life.


	6. Chapter 6

Carol closed her eyes, recalling what she'd learned prior to Deanna's meeting.

" _Your friends- do they know you are here?" Deanna asked as she shut the door._

 _Carol had seen Gabriel walking to her place, and had quietly let herself in the back door while Deanna was busy with Gabriel._

" _No. No, they do not. And these people I do not consider my friends," the priest replied solemnly._

 _Deanna squinted at him. "What do you want from me? The last meeting I held to discuss Rick, you could not be bothered to show up."_

 _Gabriel fidgeted in his seat. "I don't know why..I'm afraid I don't remember..."_

" _I remember that night. I remember it very well. That was the night I watched my husband's throat be slit, and he bled out in my arms."_

 _Gabriel gulped. "I am sorry for your loss- truly."_

" _Save your pity. It won't bring Reg back. Now what do you want from me, Father?" Deanna questioned as she sat on her sofa. Gabriel thought about sitting, but something about Deanna's tone cautioned him from doing so._

" _I'm terribly sorry to intrude...I realize the situation, the danger we are all in. Nicholas is missing, a few of your friends have been hurt..."_

" _You didn't mention Glenn..." Deanna pointed out._

 _Gabriel ignored her. "We have these walkers around us...we're in terrible danger."_

" _Do you think we would do well to ask Rick to leave?"_

" _Rick won't just leave. He'll keep on killing and killing every single one of us in the process, as long as he and his friends have a place to live."_

" _You don't consider Rick a friend. Does he consider you a friend? That might be a good thing, if, according to you, he will kill for his friends," Deanna responded._

" _Rick Grimes cares for no one but himself. You don't know what I know, what I've seen him do. I gave him shelter in my church...I had been surviving. It had been hard and lonely, but I had food, I had walls."_

 _Deanna raised her eyebrow. "But you met up with Rick..."_

" _I took pity on him. I saw that he'd been surrounded by walkers. I offered him an escape..."_

" _You saved his life?"_

" _I...Yes. I then offered he and his friends refuge in my church. I opened the doors to my home, my sanctuary...much like you have done," Gabriel insisted._

 _Carol bit her lip. That was not the story she'd heard from Rick, not by a long shot._

" _And then?"_

" _And then," Gabriel continued. "These people...they had weapons, they came into my church. Rick and his people drew their weapons..."_

 _"It sounds as if you should be grateful for Rick's presence," Deanna responded, forcing herself to take a drink of water._

" _But then...these people, they put their weapons down. They surrendered. They had their hands in the air...but Rick didn't care. He slit throats, he ordered his people to kill them. Unarmed people and Rick showed no mercy. He has no conscious, and he does not care who he kills or what he has to do to get what he wants. He...He cannot be trusted. I realize you're grieving, and the last thing I want to do is to add to your burden. But with or without those creatures at the gate, one thing's for certain: Rick Grimes and his people will make sure that none of you will leave these walls alive."_

 _Deanna stared at him, and Gabriel took his cue and left. Carol, her hand over her mouth, could not believe what she'd just heard._

She knocked on the door to the father's home. "Father? It's me..Carol. I brought you a casserole. May I come in?"

He opened the door, and saw her tear-stained face. "Carol...you've been crying."

"I just...I just am so confused, Father. I thought Rick was a friend, but I know things now...I heard what Deanna and everyone said about him...I'm just so terribly confused. I just..I just need a friend to talk to right now. May I come in?"

Gabriel looked around and saw that she was alone. "Is anyone else coming?" he asked.

"It's just me. I'm so alone right now, so confused. I'm not even sure this casserole turned out right," Carol cried, and Gabriel took it from her hands and let her in his place.

"You were close to Rick," Gabriel stated.

"Were. He...you've heard talk of what happened at the prison. He did send me away because he didn't like how I was doing things. He wanted me to do the laundry. One day I wanted to do the cooking, I wasn't paying attention to the laundry. I guess I forgot to wash something for Judith and Rick...he got mad at me. I know I do dumb things, heck, my dearly departed husband, Ed, he knew I wasn't the best at laundry. But he wasn't like Rick. He'd laugh, and shrug it off. 'Typical Carol,' he'd say." Carol smiled and wiped her face.

"You never talk of your husband," Gabriel pointed out. "How did he...do you mind my asking how he..."

Carol sobbed and flung her face against Gabriel's shoulders. "I can't talk about it. We were at camp...he just had fallen asleep. He couldn't even protect himself," Carol sniffed, then she sat up. "I'm sorry, Father. You must find me silly. I can't bring back my husband. But sometimes I just think about him, and it makes me want to cry all over again."

Gabriel took her hand. "I don't find you silly, Carol. I find it refreshing that someone acknowledges their pain. It means you haven't let this world completely take away the best parts of you."

Carol nodded. "I wish I could be more like the others...like, more of what this world expects. But I can't. I'm so happy to have Alexandria, I can cook and make my cookies and think about the things I used to do back before this all started..." she looked out the window.

"Father?" she asked, still looking away from him. "May I ask you a question?"

"I'm not sure if I have the answers...but I'll try my best."

"Do you believe people can still fall in love?"

He was clearly taken aback by her comments. "I don't know..."

"I mean, look at Rick..." she spat out. "He had his wife, and we felt bad. Now I think it's no secret he has feelings for Jessie. People still have to be able to fall in love, right? I mean, love and companionship are two natural emotions...do you think people are still capable of feeling love?" she looked at him.

"A good question...I honestly do not know what I believe," Gabriel sighed.

"Let me ask you one more question, Father..." Carol looked into his eyes. "The rules of being a priest...have they changed..."

He looked at her curiously. "I'm afraid I don't follow..."

She touched his shoulder. "You surely get lonely. I know I do." she touched his face and smiled at him.

He stood up. "Carol...I ...I can't..."

Horrified, she put her hands over her face. "I'm so sorry, Father. I just get so lonely, I think I'm going to die alone, never ever being able to feel a man put his arms around me. I'll never know what it's like to experience a first kiss with someone again. I just...I'm stupid."

Carol looked at him quickly then ran out his door. Gabriel, flustered, looked up to the sky, then ran after her.

They made it as far as to a corner of the wall. Walkers were everywhere, but Carol paid them no mind as she fell to her knees and buried her face in her hands.

Gabriel touched her shoulder. "Carol..please. I never wanted to hurt you. I just..I don't have all the answers."

She was fumbling with the grass, and no one spoke. Finally she stood up and pointed at the ground.

"Even among the death that this world brings...there's a little bud starting to grow. There's a few of them here. May be daffodils, I'm not sure."

She composed herself. "Maybe...maybe that's a sign from God that our lives aren't over, that they don't have to end. Do you still believe in God?"

He looked into her eyes. "I do."

She looked down again. "Look at the flowers," she sighed. "I'm glad you believe in God, Gabriel. I'm glad to hear it."

The very second he turned his head away from her, Carol used the force of her entire body and slammed Gabriel against the fence. She watched without saying a word as hungry walkers grabbed bits of flesh through the holes in the fence. She said nothing as she watched at least one walker, maybe more, tear into his skin the way Sophia's dog had torn into the steaks she would give him once in a while.

Gabriel, his eyes frightened, searing pain taking over his body, causing the most unearthly, godawful pain imaginable to a human being. "This was a game...a lie..." he choked as the walkers continued to gnaw at his arms, his neck, his legs. "Why?"

Carol took one breath and looked at his quickly dissolving face. "People who fuck with Rick Grimes do not get to live."

As she heard Gabriel cry, beg for mercy, scream in horrifying pain, Carol quickly composed herself and walked back to her home.

After taking a shower, she looked into her closet. Forget these sweaters, she thought as she threw them all on the floor.

Freshly washed, leaving no traces of Gabriel's remains on her, Carol slipped into a tank top, olive colored cargo pants, and she walked directly to Abraham's place.

It didn't take long for Abraham to answer. He was taken aback by the change in her appearance. "Carol?" he asked, letting her in.

She looked around and saw Maggie being comforted by Tara and Rosita. Eugene stood in the background.

"I'm going on a mission. I'm bringing our family back. Maggie, I promise you I will come back with Glenn. You in?" Carol looked at Abraham.

"Hell to the yeah! I thought...what about Rick and Michonne?"

Carol didn't even blink. "I'm bringing all of our family back home. Rick and Michonne are coming back. You got a problem with that?"

He grinned, and shook his head. "Nope. Rosita..."

She sniffed and nodded her approval.

Eugene stood forward. "I may not be the man you want to be the one between you and an approaching walker. But I do believe I possess skills which will be an asset in following any remnants of the footprints of Rick and Michonne..."

"You saying you can track them?" Abraham looked at him.

"That is precisely what I'm saying."

Carol looked at Maggie. " We're bring Glenn back, you just wait here. Abraham, Eugene...you ready?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

And the three of them were off, determined to not come back unless they brought Rick, Michonne and Glenn back to the place they now called home. What would happen with the walkers and the intruders, Carol wasn't sure. But one thing was most certain to her: never, ever again would the Alexandrians ever do anything to impede Rick's ability to take his rightful place as leader of their community. Never again.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: First of all, thank you for those who read and take the time to comment. I'm excited to get such a great and passionate response- I'm a die hard fan of the show (I had a baby in Feb and his middle name is Dixon. I'm currently expecting again, and if it's a girl, I'm going with Sophia Rose (as in Cherokee Rose). So trust me, I'm not purposely trying to screw with our characters-I have this whole story outlined, lots of notes. First and foremost its going to be a major Richonne story, as described. I just adore the other characters too much not to include them. There's going to be stuff coming up that again might not make sense, but I try to keep in mind things I know about the characters and write their flaws in too. As for the last chapter- out of my 400 + stories I've never changed the course of a story to try to appease an audience. I tried to write a one shot for another show, for a couple I didn't really ship, and it was a horrible piece of writing. I write to be true to myself and to my vision, and hopefully people enjoy what I come up with. Be patient...there's lots of good stuff coming ahead. :) And this is a "m" rated story which will soon play out...:)_

Michonne watched as Rick struggled to walk. She could see how tired he was, how hurt both physically and emotionally he was, but she said nothing. First of all, he was on a mission to find his daughter, and she knew he needed every bit of his own resource to stay focused. She was pretty angry at their friends- she'd never expected such a betrayal. There was something about Carol that just didn't sit right with Rick. She knew Rick had asked her to leave the prison...something about Karen and David. The details she'd never asked of either Carol or Rick. When the group found Carol after Terminus, and watching Rick tearfully embrace his friend, well, that was all Michonne needed to know in order to welcome her back into the group. And when she saw Carol lead Rick straight to Tyreese and Judith...well, even she hadn't been able to hold back her tears.

Things had been very, very tough since she found Rick's group. Andrea's death...the governor, losing Hershel, just so many acts of violence, both by walkers and by humans.

But there were some unexpected blessings, too.

Carl was one of them.

For some reason, she and Carl took to each other straight away. She got him, and she sensed that no one, not even Rick, had ever understood what made Carl...Carl before. Not the way she did. Of course, Rick loved that boy. He was his son. But somehow she could see things that Rick just wasn't able to.

Carl was a badass fighter, she would trust him to have her back in a life-or-death situation. She would die protecting Carl for sure.

But he was just a kid.

Boys his age, they should be worrying about their first kiss, stealing the keys to their dads' cars. Eating too much pizza and listening to music that would piss off their parents.

Carl had seen so much worse in his life than any young boy ought to have.

Carl had opened up to her about Lori. He'd confided in her things about Lori that Rick, Michonne imagined, didn't even realize that Carl knew about.

He knew about Shane.

Carl had talked to her one night. They'd stayed up late at the prison, and after running into each other, she shared some snacks she'd found on a run with him and they just sat together and talked.

He missed his mother very, very much.

Carl still couldn't talk about how it felt having to kill his mother right after she'd given birth to Judith.

To Carl's credit, which showed a maturity that surprised her, he didn't hold anything against Judith.

It wasn't the baby's fault she'd been born.

It wasn't Judith's fault that Lori hadn't survived childbirth.

It wasn't, Carl had revealed to her, Judith's fault that there was a chance that Shane had been her father.

Michonne recalled looking at the boy strangely. No one talked much of Rick's late wife, although it was clear even to an outsider such as she had been at the time, that Lori was a big part of Rick's mental breakdown. Not just her death, but also, parts of her life with him as well.

Michonne had wanted to ask Rick about Lori, but thought better of herself. She knew Rick trusted her- he'd started inviting her along on his missions. Sometimes in a car ride he'd talk to her, sometimes he'd ask her things about herself. Most of the time they didn't really say a word- and that had been fine for the both of them.

Rick fell, and she ran to help him up. Sensing an approaching walker, Michonne quickly took out her katana and cut off its head in one swipe of her blade, then bent down to help him.

Rick pulled away from her, clutching on to his bad arm and trying really, really hard to keep from totally wiping out.

"Don't look at me," Rick hissed, sweat dripping down his face (were tears mixed in with that sweat, she wondered.

Michonne backed off, "We're going to have to get going. It's getting late and we're..."

"I'm not going to give up on Judith," he snapped as he tried to stand up. He was still dizzy from his physical ordeal, his mental one, his anguish at his missing daughter and the pain of being disowned by his son.

"I wasn't going to say that," Michonne reassured him. "We need to go take shelter for a bit though. There's a herd coming. Not too bad, but we'd be better off waiting this out for a bit. When they thin out, we can come out and we'll take care of the stragglers."

Rick looked up at her. "We. You said we. You trust me to keep you safe? Even now?"

She smiled warmly at him. "Especially now."

Rick nodded, then held out his hand. "Would you.."

She didn't even hesitate, and helped him up and they made their way off the path, until she quickly spotted a little cottage type dwelling.

She would clear it, and there they would stay. They'd stay until the time was right to go on with their journey.

If they would be able to find Judith, Michonne herself wasn't all that sure.

But what she did know was that her journey with the group had now come to an end, while her journey with Rick was just beginning.

tbc


	8. Chapter 8

She held close by the doorway, her ears carefully on guard for the first sign of any trouble. These days the humans were every bit, if not more, of a threat than the walkers. But still, with what looked to be at least a small thousand or more walkers passing by, the groans in the air making her physically nauseous...Michonne knew she couldn't take any chances.

Rick wanted to help, and she knew he would resent her if she treated him as an invalid. To tell the truth, with his hand gone and he only having a makeshift bandage around his wound, which still bled every now and then, she knew that any efforts on his part to 'help' fight the walkers would not only make things worse, but would likely endanger them both.

How to distract him without wounding his pride...which, at times such as these, could be as fragile, if not more so, than his physical health.

Still, the rattling of doors and windows as an occasional loose straggler wandered by to investigate their temporary living area made Michonne very, very nervous.

"Michonne...you don't have to be here. You should go back," Rick started until she shushed him.

"Don't talk like that!" she admonished her eyes still peering out the cracks of the front door way, alert for any signs of immediate danger.

"Now you're pitying me," he sighed.

For one brief second, Michonne looked at him with a flash of emotion Rick didn't recognize in her. Was it anger? Frustration? Worry? Who knew.

"Rick, you sit down and you keep quiet. No talking until these things pass. You know how the noise draws them out..."

"So now you're going to talk to me like I'm a child?" Rick questioned.

"Only if you're going to act like one. Now sit. Rest. You're going to need your strength when we get out of here. We're going to need you strong for when we find Judith," she said blankly before turning her attention to the door.

He opened his mouth, wanting to protest, wanting to argue, wanting to lash out. Not really at Michonne. She'd been the only person since...hell, no one had ever demonstrated such loyalty to him. Not even his dear, late wife Lori, who'd promised to love him for better or for worse, till death to they part...and when even his death was merely only speculation, well, that was enough for her to discontinue with that vow.

And Carl...this was just too much. Everything he'd been through for Carl, with Carl, because of Carl...

There were times Carl could have been killed. There were times he wasn't even sure if his son was dead or alive, but yet they'd always stayed close to each other. But Carl...he wasn't Rick. Everything Rick had done was in the name of his family. He fought to find Lori and Carl, and that led him to some incredible people. He tried, always, to keep Lori and Carl safe. Then it was Carl and Judith. At any rate, Carl wasn't really showing the kind of loyalty to his family that he wished he would have inherited from Rick himself.

So for what seemed like a small eternity, Michonne, katana in hand, waited in silence. Occasionally she would glance at Rick, but due to his agitated state, she didn't chance upsetting him by saying the wrong thing. Out of the corner of her eye she could see him shake, rock himself, a man clearly on edge.

She couldn't blame him, but right now she couldn't really comfort him either. Her job at the moment was to keep him safe- to keep them both alive.

Once in a while she was terrified by the sounds of approaching walkers, but somehow they'd eventually get distracted and wander back to the rest of the herd.

Occasionally Rick would start to speak, but she'd hush him, and continue to keep watch. As the light in the room gradually decreased, she assumed the hours were passing, turning daylight into nighttime. Judith would have to wait until the next day, at the least. With all those walkers out there, not to mention the human threat that was out there, their best and only move would be to stay put as long as they could.

Finally there were no more sounds of the walkers. She peeked through the window; despite it being boarded up, some area was visible, and it appeared to her both visually and audibly that the immediate threat was over.

Exhausted with anger, fear, worry, Michonne slowly walked away from the window and sat next to Rick. He appeared to be asleep, but she couldn't be certain that he was.

"Michonne..." he whispered, and she could see him looking at her.

She didn't face him; instead she acknowledged him by glancing at him out of the corner of her eyes, but said nothing.

"Michonne..." Rick's voice, now weakened and gravelly due to sheer exhaustion. "You didn't have to come with me."

"I know."

"Why...why did you come?"

She knew he was looking at her through the moonlight beams that shone through the boards and windows. For some reason Michonne was growing increasingly antsy, though she wasn't sure why. "Why wouldn't I?" she responded, her voice showing no trace of emotion.

"It would have been easy for you to stay with them, you know."

"It would have been harder to stay away from you."

Rick looked closer, and he touched her face. "Look at me, Michonne. I'm a mess...I'm falling apart, I could get an infection and bleed out...you had medicine. You didn't know they were going to order me to leave, and you carried around the antibiotics that I needed?" he smiled briefly, a trace of amusement in his voice.

"Boy scout motto...be prepared. Comes in handy in these times, don't you think," Michonne teased.

"Oh, you're far from a boy scout. You're anything but a boy. In fact you're all..." Rick caught himself. "So you were a girl scout?"

"I was a good girl scout," she commented, a hint of a smile taking over her face.

"I never would have pegged you for a girl scout," Rick teased, their bodies pressed shoulder to shoulder against each other. She wouldn't look at him, for her heart was now racing something unbearable.

"There's a lot about me that you don't know."

Despite her stoic attempts at not revealing any of her own emotions to Rick, Michonne couldn't help herself. She looked at him, and for a few seconds, their eyes locked, all of their worries temporarily forgotten.

"I can see that," he grinned, his southern voice drawing out each and every syllable.

"What about you, Rick? Is there something about you that you think I don't know?" she questioned, her eyes lighting up with a hint of flirtation.

"Oh," he smiled back. "you think you know everything there is to know about me?"

Michonne looked at him and didn't even hesitate to speak her mind. "I know you have shitty taste in women."

Rick was caught off guard by her forwardness, and his jaw dropped.

She tilted her head, and though their bodies were still pressed against each other side by side, their faces were completely at the other one's mercy.

"What?" he laughed hoarsely.

"What, you're not used to your women being so upfront?"

"No," he shook his head laughing. "no. I can't say that I am."

"You've never met a woman like me," she grinned, then looked away, a lock of her hair brushing against his cheek as she turned away from his glance.

"I can see that," he murmured, and then, catching them both off guard, he brushed her locks of hair away from her face and his hand caressed her cheek.

"Rick...do you know what you're doing?" she whispered, her body tightening up in nervous anticipation.

"I don't know...I don't know..." Rick moved his hand back and sank straight back against the wall. "I've never been with another woman since...since...since Lori."

Michonne turned and touched his face, her eyes looking straight at him. "I'm not Lori."

Their eyes met, and Rick searched desperately for the right words to say. He knew she was right...Michonne was definitely no Lori. But he was scared, almost as nervous, perhaps more so, than on the night he'd finally lost his virginity.

"I don't know...I mean, Lori...she was my wife..."

"But I'm here in front of you." she paused. "I'm sorry for your loss. I truly am. But really, do you think she'd expect you to wait forever, to never open up to another woman again just because she's not here?"

"You didn't know Lori," he blurted out, and they both cracked up laughing.

Michonne was ready for another comment, but before she could speak, Rick took her off guard and with his good hand, he touched her face right before kissing her lips.

She could feel him tense up...but it probably wasn't a bad thing. It certainly didn't feel that bad to her.

"Your lips.." he murmured. "You have...you have nice soft lips."

She grinned. "Better than that white girl Jessie's?"

Rick looked at her then kissed her deeply for what seemed like minutes. "Michonne...right now...right now there is no Lori. There is no Jessie. I don't...I don't know what's out there waiting for me, if there's anything in this world waiting for me. You're here. I don't need Lori or Jessie or any other woman. Right now I need you."

Her eyes opened, her heart racing, Michonne did something she seldom ever did. She set aside her katana, a few feet away from her, and then she turned to sit in front of Rick.

He looked kind of pathetic- a limb badly bandaged, his hair matted from sweat, he hadn't shaven again in a few weeks.

But to Michonne, at that moment, nothing in the world could ever look as perfect to her as the sight of Rick Grimes was looking.

TBC...


	9. Chapter 9

The moment Michonne felt his lips touch hers, she knew that this was right. The timing, perhaps, wasn't ideal- but in this world, waiting for the right time to share any kind of true intimacy with another human being was like playing the lottery. You'd buy your time, buy your tickets, each time telling yourself that this would be the week you'd win. And as time went on, you'd invested more and more but with nothing to show for it but a glove department full of wadded up pieces of paper.

This was more than investing a few dollars. Michonne had known for some time that Rick was the only man in the world for her. In many ways, he'd come to mean more than any man ever had to her, even her son's father.

Love wasn't anything she'd looked for in this world, the way it was now. And sex-the thought honestly had never crossed her mind.

But the way Rick was now looking at her, feeling his breath all over her face as he hungrily kissed and touched every inch of her face, her forehead, her neck...

everything about the way Rick was looking at her screamed sex.

This was foolish. Tru,e the walkers seemed to have passed, and it was dark out.

But still, through the dim light of the boarded up little home she and Rick had found she could see something that took her breath away.

Rick wanted her.

And it wasn't to fetch food or be physical backup.

The man's eyes were wide, beads of sweat forming around his eyebrow. It almost startled her out of the moment to see Rick Grimes in his current state of mind.

She'd seen many, many sides to Rick. Grieving, tired, stressed, sad, angry, determined, some moments of laughter, the way he loved his kids and his friends.

But right now there was no doubt in her mind...Rick wanted nothing more at that moment than to be with her, in every way.

She was mindful, of course, of his bandaged hand. Michonne wanted to stop and ask him if he was sure that he knew what he was doing.

But his hungry kisses, the deep sounds of his breathing, the sight of his chest rising and falling in deep momentum...oh yes, Rick knew what he was doing.

And at that moment, every other thought in the world left her mind.

She had one eye on the door, which she'd secured earlier with some torn curtains she'd found lying around. It wasn't much, but for now, it was their saving grace.

With every kiss Rick planted on her, it was growing increasingly difficult to keep even thoughts of safety anywhere in her mind.

She'd never seen this side of Rick. And Michonne liked it, she most certainly liked it.

"Michonne," he groaned, moving in to be as physically close to her as possible.

She responded by touching his face, which only seemed to excite him all the much more.

Apparently Rick wasn't willing to give Michonne a chance to hesitate or to rethink things...he planted his lips fully on hers, his tongue delving deep into her mouth, grazing her lips in between each oral movement.

This was happening.

Michonne touched his hair, wiping some loose strands of curls out of his eyes. (She'd been wanting to do that forever!) He gasped out loud, after having nearly forgotten what the loving touch of a female felt like. Rubbing her palm gently against his cheek, just firm enough to encourage him to keep going. Michonne took in the touch of his face. The stubble of his facial hair kind of irritated and tickled her hand at the same time, but that didn't matter.

Her tongue met his, and with a glint in her eyes, Michone gently bit at his upper lip, then looked into his eyes to gauge his excitement.

"Oh, God, Michonne..."

The sound of his gravely voice murmuring her name nearly caused her to come right then and there.

"Say it, Rick." she coerced as she kept teasing him with her kisses. "Say you want..."

He didn't even wait for her to finish. "I want this. I want you. God, I want you, Michonne."

Despite the gravity of the situation...their worlds had come down around them, their future uncertain...Michonne had no problem responding. "I want you, Rick," she smiled. "I want you, too."

Their eyes met, and briefly they nervously laughed at their situation. They were friends, best friends. Co-survivors. Fierce walker killers and defenders against all of the evil of the world.

And now they were lovers.

When Michonne stopped smiling, her expression of her eyes changed. Her head lowered just a bit, so when Rick looked at her, all he could see was her looking at him, her seeing who he really was, and how she still wanted him. How she needed him. How she loved him.

He almost lost his balance as he wanted to touch her. It was clear to Michonne how nervous he was...his upper body was shaking.

She pressed his good hand down. "Let me."

He looked at her, and she nodded and repeated herself. Her other hand started to tussle with the bottom of his shirt, trying desperately to free the shirt from where it was tucked in into his pants.

Michonne's eyes looked down, and in the corner of her eyes she couldn't help but see that Rick was most definitely responding to her touches. For too long, she'd seen the world turn its back on Rick. People made him cry, made him hurt, made him angry.

At this very moment Michonne was turning him on.

She licked her lips and Rick nearly fell back with anticipation. She looked up at him while kissing the parts of his chest she'd uncovered, still determined to finish removing his shirt.

She gasped, wondering when Rick had become so chiseled, and why the hell she hadn't noticed it before now.

Self-consciously Michonne turned away, but Rick leaned right into her. As he kissed her neck, the warmth of his breath against her ears, the back of her neck felt like heaven to her. It was getting harder and harder to distinguish between both of their moans of longing for each other.

Once again, her eyes looked down, unable to hide her lust of what his body was promising her.

Rick looked at his hand and felt self-conscious. "I'm sorry I'm not perfect...I'm sorry about this..."

"Ssh," she looked up at him. "I was just noticing something I've never noticed before."

His eyes widened at the bold suggestiveness of her voice.

"You're white," she looked at him and grinned.

He smiled, quite ready to respond to her flirtations, when he suddenly became distracted by the touch of Michonne's hand near his crotch. Hungrily unzipping his pants, Michonne was mildly amused by Rick's next comment.

"I knew you were good with your sword, but I had no idea you could handle...other...weapons," he teased, watching her every move.

Her eyes focused on Rick's face as her head inched more and more towards his excitement, she didn't even hesitate to respond. "You have no idea what I'm capable of doing. But you're about to find out."

"Oh, God," he moaned, terrified that he wouldn't be able to contain himself any longer. It had been so long since he'd been with a woman. And at the end of their marriage, Lori had long since stopped doing certain things to him.

And then after everything he'd been through the past god knew how long- deaths of loved ones, betrayals, more danger in one day than any human should have ever have to experience their whole lives, Rick experienced the most amazing, most beautiful sensation of his life.

After only a minute or two, Rick sat up. "Stop!"

Confused, Michonne looked up at him.

"I can't control myself much longer...please...let me...I want to..."

She pulled herself up and Michonne took his shirt and pants, and also her also now removed clothing, and made a makeshift blanket out of them. She guided him to where he was laying straight down, and without saying a word, Michonne swiftly climbed on top of them.

Sounds of walkers approaching should have distracted them. Instead it only served to enhance the feeling of 'now or never' they were both experiencing. Nothing was guaranteed. It was a foolish move to even think about continuing, but by now, they were both past the point of no return.

Rick's eyes watched as Michonne took charge of the moment. He was safe with her, and beyond that, well...

It was hard for him to focus on any one experience- the sight of her riding atop of her, her hand placed carefully by his face for support, or just how good her body was feeling, how good it felt being inside of her.

Their pace was rushed, as they both knew it had to be. But for a minute, time stood still for the both of them, as Rick felt the response of her body to hers. She'd came, and he was right behind her.

Finally with a mad and long-suppressed vocalization of lust, Rick's body took complete control of him, and he, too, came, and neither of them could think of anything but how overwhelming this moment was, both physically and emotionally.

She grabbed the first shirt she could- it happened to be Rick's- and threw it on as she stood up. Rick was clearly exhausted. So she grabbed her katana and placed it in front of Rick, still within her reach, and she crawled behind him, and, putting her arm around him, both fell quickly into a much needed sleep.

tbc


	10. Chapter 10

As soon as she felt the touch of a hand on her arm, she knew something was very, very wrong.

Instinctively she reached for her katana, but was met by another arm. In the process she noticed that Rick was no longer lying in front of her.

Still groggy, but with her heart racing with the threat of immediate danger hovering over her, Michonne opened her eyes to try to gauze the threat.

She saw one, two, maybe more...long, shaggy haired men. In the brief few seconds she saw them, she felt sick at her stomach. Technically, yes, they were men. But their odors, their horrendous brown-stained teeth, their shaggy hair and unkempt appearances suggested they more much closer to animals.

"Rick!" She shouted, but then the lights went dark, her head feeling a deeply intense pain she'd never in her life experienced before.

0000000

Their voices were what brought Michonne back to conscious, or the version of it she was trying to reach. Laughter...not the happy kind that she'd earlier shared with Rick. The way these men were laughing made her have to try to swallow the vomit she now felt welling up from her gut.

It was still hard to see, though it wasn't entirely dark in the room. Rays of sun stung her face, and it took Michonne a minute to realize why she was so confused. There was a stinging pain by what felt like the side of her face, and she surmised quickly that her eye was swollen after presumably being hit by one or more of these monsters.

Part of her just wanted to sleep, to try to get out of this moment however she could. But Rick...he depended on her. She had to survive, to fight these assholes-how many of them were there? - because Rick wouldn't be able-bodied enough to take these men out on his own.

Rick. Michonne's heart raced as she tried to blink, despite her pain, to try to process what was going on. She looked around...this wasn't the home she had found with Rick. She looked down and realized she was on a bed, her hands and legs tightly bound with what felt like wire of sorts.

Her instincts told her to try to locate her katana, and to plan her escape. But first...first she had to locate Rick. Knowing what and who she was dealing with was the first, and possibly most important part of her fight to survive. If she miscalculated what her surroundings were, well, even the difference of five men versus four could mean all the difference in her life or death scenario she was now in.

"Rick..." she hissed, her bandanna sliding slightly over her eyes.

"Aww, ain't that precious," one thug sneered. "She's looking for her boyfriend. He is your boyfriend, ain't he? I kinda figured he ain't your brother," he laughed, and she could hear others from all sides of her chiming in.

"Where is he," Michonne demanded.

"Aw, sweetheart, don't you be fretting over that boy. He's just fine, Ol' Stevey here is making sure he's dressed. I kinda take it it's been a while for the boy. Don't you know the first rule of thumb in sex in this world is you'd best be sure to cover at least your ass. Too many things could jump out and bite him, and then, well, you'd be missing some of that fine mancandy, now wouldn't you, darling?"

Michonne thrust with her entire body, wanting to see if she could escape. She knew it was foolish, and most likely futile, but with the chance Rick was out there waiting for her to find him, she was willing to try anything, anything, to get out of this situation.

"Seems we did her a solid," another gruff sounding drifter chimed in.

"You mean he's alive?" Michonne demanded.

More guffaws from the group. "Man, she ain't no dummy. Yes, ma'am, your boy..Rick, is it?" a tall, skinny, nearly toothless younger man stood over her and grinned. Just the sight of him made her feel even more sick. "Your boy is right out there, my brothers are , well, I ain't as smart as you. How do I say it? They're tending to his wounds?"

"What do you want from us?" she growled, pulling back as the toothless dude touched her face, his sweaty dirty hands leaving some kind of trace on her forehead.

"Us? No, ma'am. We're not that kind of guys. This may be the end of the world, but ain't nothing we've seen yet made us go that way with other dudes," the guy laughed. "But pussy on the other hand, well, that's mighty hard to come by. And it's been a long, long time for me."

"Me too," one by one, the group all chimed in.

Michonne lost count of how many voices she'd been trying to track. All she knew was that apparently there were at least a few more keeping Rick in another room.

"Do what you want with me. Just let him go," Michonne stated flatly.

They all laughed loudly. "Aw, ain't that sweet. Little missy here owes her, her what, her little sugar daddy," the man's voice drew out every syllable of the last two words." or her pimp or whatever..."

"Her master," another guy added, which led to more laughter.

Michonne bit her lip, wanting with every fiber of her being to kill these men, one by one, and not just a simple beheading by her katana. She wanted to torture these men for even thinking what they were thinking let alone what they were flat out saying they were going to do.

"Do what you want," she repeated calmly. "let him go."

"Aw, sweetie, that's so nice of you," toothless man replied. "But the thing is, darling, we're not requesting your permission."

"Hey, Paul," one added. So toothless man's name was Paul. Not that it mattered. When she was done with them there would be nothing distinguishing any of their body parts once she 'd ripped them apart. Names were pretty much inconsequential at this point. "She's missing her little buddy so much, what you say I bring him in? He can't join in, but he can appreciate the fun we're gonna have. Maybe give us a few pointers, since he had no problem pleasing the lady."

Paul nodded, looked around. The men's eyes all grew wide with anticipation, and Michonne for the first time really and truly believed she would never survive this moment. They were going to take turns raping her, and then they'd kill her. Somewhere along their little mission, they were going to kill Rick too.

Her legs tightened up, her arms grabbing on to the side of the bed for support. She was terrified, and had never, ever been this vulnerable before.

"Hey Chuckie, bring in old white boy," Paul shouted, and within a minute or two Michonne found her eyes making contact with Rick's.

He was hating this, she could see. Rick looked angry, but resigned at the same time. He'd cried a bit, she saw, and the pain on his face was all over his face.

"you...you leave her be..."Rick -threatened, his voice barely heard amongst the lustful commotion of the group.

"Stay back, Ricky," one commanded. They held him back, and he tried to fight, but it was apparent his struggle to fight back was a futile one.

Michonne, her body frozen with fear, closed her eyes, but not before she caught a glimpse of every man but Rick and his two captors unzipping their pants.

Suddenly she felt hands, so many, many hands, grabbing at her legs. All she'd had on was Rick's shirt which she'd haphazardly put on after her lovemaking with Rick. And now that shirt was being torn off piece by piece.

She could hear Rick cry, and she wanted to look at him, to try to send some message to him that she would not let these men kill her or Rick. That she'd never stop fighting for them. But her vision was obscured by one pot bellied man who'd taken off his own shirt and had hungrily thrown his body on top of hers.

And his wasn't the only body clamoring to access Michonne.

God she'd never been so terrified in her life.

And the moment she feared was happening in seconds...she could feel a man's dick, with his hand prying her thighs apart for access, very, very near her.

And she shut her eyes, preparing for the worse.

WHACK!

Michonne felt the weight of at least the fat man collapse on her, followed by more sounds of "WHACK! WHACK!"

She wasn't sure what was going on, but no more hands were tugging at her, even though it seemed as if she had the weight of a hundred men fall on her.

The only thing Michonne was able to do was to look up, and through her narrowed eyes, and she thought she was hallucinating. For she was sure she saw Morgan standing, his makeshift fighting stick in hand, and he looked down at her and smiled and nodded.

And then...and then Michonne saw nothing.

tbc


	11. Chapter 11

Michonne groggily accepted Morgan's help in sitting up. He'd done a decent thing by giving her his shirt- the only one he figured she would accept, and he stayed with her, making sure she could support herself.

"Morgan.." she whispered, the words coming from her mouth already aching. "Rick.."

"He's fine, a bit of a mess...but don't you be worrying about him. Shush now. We don't know how many of those ..those people..are out there, so we don't have much time," Morgan said quietly and quickly.

"We?" Her head was hurting so badly, she wasn't entirely convinced she wasn't having some sort of hallucination.

"Carol, Abraham..Eugene. We're all out there looking around for you. You stay here, try to get your head together. Rick's sitting there in the corner..." he nodded, knowing that it would pain Michonne to see her friend like this. If she was loyal enough to Rick to leave the entire group behind the walls of Alexandria...there was more going on between them, although he wasn't entirely sure what it was, and he sure wasn't going to pry into their business.

Michonne stared at Rick, her vision slowly returning to her. She wanted to say something, anything...but he looked so pathetic...he was cowering in the corner, a bruised and beaten mess...he wouldn't make eye contact with her, and for the moment, she certainly didn't expect him to.

"Go get them. We'll be okay," Michonne arched her shoulders, thankful to be free of the binds that had held her in such a precarious position only moments early.

Morgan nodded.."Rick.." he started to speak to his friend, but Michonne shook her head, and Morgan understood her message. Right then it was for the best that Rick didn't speak, only that Michonne, despite her trauma, would ensure his well being for the few minutes that it would take for him to get Carol and the others.

She had a lot of questions, of course, but right now it was all she could do just to stay awake. She desperately wanted to just fall into a deep sleep, do anything physically and mentally possible to just escape the memories of her freshly survived ordeal.

But she looked at Rick, as despondent as she'd ever seen him. Morgan was back, as was others of his core group. That counted for something. She wasn't sure she'd ever forgive how they treated him, and in fact, if Rick weren't so vulnerable physically and emotionally, she was sure she'd tell them all to fend for themselves, to forget about using Rick when they needed him, to not care about his needs and well being.

But Rick needed them as much, probably more, than he needed her. She saw that. There was Carl, to be sure, and she'd get back out on the road making sure Judith would be brought home safe and sound...if they still had a home standing when they returned.

Regardless of what Rick chooses to do, she would not stay permanently with that group of people. It would probably mean that she would have to leave Rick behind. Losing her son, losing Andre...that was touch. Losing Andrea...another tough blow.

But if the group didn't come to a full conclusion about Rick, about how they had to trust him, how he had earned their trust and respect unconditionally...if they didn't get all his sacrifices...his pain, what made him tick...

True, she did. But she was seriously thinking that she was the only member of that group who did.

Morgan walked in followed by Carol. He nodded at her, but then Morgan went to gather Rick, to support him on their journey.

Carol didn't say anything to Michonne, and Michonne sure as hell wasn't up to smiling or greeting this 'friend' of Rick's, but she didn't say a word as Carol wrapped her arm around Michonne and helped her to her feet. Once standing, Michonne was handed her katana, and she accepted, and quickly they were on their way, to whatever or whoever was waiting for their return.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

Michonne wasn't really looking at Rick on their trek back to Alexandria, which worked out because he wasn't exactly looking at her, either. Both were focused on keeping their balance and eyeing their journey ahead, one foot step at a time.

She closed her eyes, and Carol, who was helping her, stopped and asked if she was okay.

"I'm fine. Go on," Michonne growled lowly, careful not to attract any other potential threat that might be lurking around the corner. If she had to, she knew she'd take out a whole army of that group of men who'd attacked her and Rick. But given the choice, she'd much rather go back home to a shower and a bed.

She could hear Rick wimpering as Morgan and Abraham helped him along. She wanted to look at him, to see if she was okay. Despite her own shock and physical pain, she knew Rick well enough to know he wasn't okay. Not by a long shot. Not only was his body hurt badly, but even more importantly to Rick, his pride had been wounded.

Instinct told her, from what she'd learned about Rick and observed about him during the time they first met at the prison, that he'd felt terribly guilty that he hadn't been able to be there for Lori during her ultimate time of need. In some ways, she'd suspected, that Rick had kind of checked out of the relationship, perhaps even prior to this new world. But those were questions for a different time, different environment. All Michonne knew was what Rick didn't- that he couldn't know- that she still cared about him, and she still trusted him with her life every bit as much as she had before. And, on top of that, she still trusted him with her heart. But she couldn't say that now...there would be questions from the others, questions she surely wasn't ready to answer.

"The walls..." Michonne whispered.

"We got them cleared, for now," Morgan answered. "We need to rebuild, but we need to regroup. Glenn and Ju..well, we need to get you both back home. Everything else will follow suit."

Stopping for both her and Rick to catch their breaths, Michonne looked at Morgan, though it took her a lot of strength to turn her head. "Why..why are you here? Why are you doing this...why now?"

Morgan took a deep breath. "Rick...he knew my son. He was the last person on earth who knew my boy. He saw my wife, but she wasn't really my wife..."

Michonne knew exactly what he meant.

"I guess if there's one person left who knew your son, you'd follow them to the ends of the earth. Myself, I could have just..I should have just...but I can't let my world go down without making sure that Duane Jones was here. I guess I owe it to myself as much as to Rick to see to it that he carries on." And with that, Morgan repositioned his arm around Rick, and the weary warriors all continued to drag their tired and blistered feet back to their little camp.

"Thank.."

"Michonne, you don't have to thank me. Rick would have done the same for me. He has done the same for me. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think you were there, too," Morgan smiled.

"You're not crazy...now," Michonne responded, and Abraham and Carol smiled- almost- at the little break of the tension in their little group. It wouldn't last, there were far too many questions. And of course, little Judith and Glenn were still very much missing.

Abraham, being a military man himself, knew that they very much had a mission to continue on with. But even the most tired of soldiers needed a bit of breathing room every now and then, he'd learned a long, long time ago. He'd heard Daryl tell Rick that Morgan had found the map that Abraham had given Rick once, inscribed with his name. "The new world's going to need Rick Grimes."

Abraham himself had lost his family, everything that had made his life worth living for ..before all of this. He couldn't make heads or tails of what the world had become, and heaven knew he had never been a sentimental man.

But somewhere, somehow, deep down inside, he felt something strange when he thought about his little role in helping reunite Rick and Morgan. If Morgan hadn't helped Rick..if Rick hadn't found the group...if Abraham hadn't come across Glenn...

If he didn't know any better, he'd almost say that he felt a little bit of hope. One thing was for certain...they'd come too far to quit now. Judith and Glenn were coming back to them, and that was a mission Abraham would die if need be to see brought to fruition.

He owed Rick that much.

Kind of like how Eugene owed Abraham for giving him protection and places to survive along way.

In the end of the world, when the human population was dropping like flies, it seemed to Abraham at the moment anyways, that this really, really was a small world indeed.

"Abraham?" Carol questioned as she waited for Abraham to pick up the pace. "You okay?"

"I'm better than okay. I'm alive, ain't I?"

Carol bit back a smile, and then turned her attention back to help Michonne.

It wouldn't be too long before their little group made their way back home.

And when they first arrived, Abraham stopped in his tracks. "I'll be a son of a turd eater..."

They all stopped, and even Michonne was able to break into a small grin when she saw what awaited their arrival.

At the front gate was Eugene, letting them in. And beside him was Maggie...beside her, was a very much alive Glenn.

What Michonne saw next both made her want to cry and throw up at the same time.

There was Jessie, holding on to a very alive Judith.

Of course, it was remarkable that the baby was there. That was the important thing.

This little twinge she felt when she saw Jessie holding Rick's daughter...well, that wasn't really a big deal. They were all alive, and they were together again.

Jessie...in all of this, Michonne had almost forgotten about Jessie.

But that could wait. Rick had to get treated, she needed her shower.

Everything else could wait.

She'd survived a near-gang rape and possible murder.

Rick was alive.

The walkers had cleared, for the time being.

So why did Michonne feel like Jessie was a threat to Michonne's own well being- or at least her happiness?

tbc


	13. Chapter 13

Of course, everyone gathered around Rick...his loss of hand was now quite apparent to everyone. No one really knew what to say- the mixture of emotions was just so strong it was almost palpable.

Rick's eyes met Glenn's, and they both shared exhausted smiles. "Glenn.." Rick tried to speak, but just couldn't find the words.

"Rick...it's all right. We're here. Judith is fine..."

And Carl ran out to see the commotion, with Enid trailing closely behind him.

"Dad?" he asked meekly, not quite sure how to react. Deep down, Carl knew he would always be the scared little boy who needed his dad. But now he was kind of, sort of, into Enid, and he was growing up...he just couldn't reveal the depth of emotions about his dad in front of her or in front of anyone else for that matter. Growing up, he'd heard, had always sucked. But no one had ever had to grow up in the world he was in, that was for sure.

"Carl..." Rick's voice choked up, trying to figure out how to express to his son just how much he needed his boy. Yes, Rick was the father, the leader, but what Carl didn't know was that he was the glue that kept his father together.

Carl looked at Enid, who nodded, then he ran to embrace his father..on his good side. "I got him.." Carl told Abraham and Morgan. Morgan, very much missing Duane, took in a deep breath, closed his eyes, and prayed that his own emotions wouldn't show through.

"Glenn..." Rick started again.

"It's okay...Eugene and Tara..they found him...Daryl helped..." Maggie smiled. By now her pregnant emotions were not the only excuse for her tears. No one blamed her...in fact everyone wanted to join in.

"Daryl helped a little with the tracking, but I pointed them in the right direction. By my calculations..."

"Shut up, Eugene!" Rosetta admonished him.

"It's okay, Rosita," Abraham embraced her. "If Eugene says he saved Glenn and Judith..well, the proof is in the pudding, ain't it?"

Eugene looked at his defender. Tara, his good friend, patted him on the back. "it's okay to tell Abraham thank you."

"He was only stating the truth. I suppose I do thank him for stating the obvious...that I'm not the weak link anymore," Eugene stated plaintively.

"Man, he's an odd duck," Daryl whispered to Abraham.

"You have no idea."

Jessie, still cradling Judith, asked Maggie to hold the baby. "Come on now. I know everyone's all happy to see Rick..he needs help. I've got a bed set up at my place..Ron's giving up his room...he's going to stay with Michonne and Carl for a few days. Rick needs to rest and to get some care. Let's get him to the infirmary and then he'll be at my place to recuperate," she smiled as she put her arm around Rick. "come on now. You need some rest."

most of the others, they helped Jessie take Rick to visit Denise at their little makeshift medical clinic.

Michonne stood by, watching everything. Every little movement.

Carol turned to Michonne. "Come on. You need some rest.."

"Don't touch me!"

"I know you don't understand why I did what I did...I have my reasons..you have to trust me..." Carol continued.

"I don't have to do anything!" Michonne snapped. "I get you in your own way had some plan, some way of helping Rick. I don't know what that plan was, exactly, and I really don't care. I do know by 'helping' Rick you may have cost him more than you think you could have. As far as I go..I'm going to my place. Alone. You go bake cookies or whatever the hell you do best. Just...just leave me alone."

Carol watched as Michonne limped angrily to her place, and knew there was a lot more Michonne hadn't said. As much as hearing her angry words had stung her, Carol knew it was what had been unspoken that would haunt her for some time to come.

"You okay?" Daryl held back, approaching Carol.

"Does it even matter?" she snapped, walking off to a distance.

"Hell ya, it does. It matters to me," he replied.

She didn't even look back. "Well at least it does to one of us."

Daryl reached in his pocket, found a half smoked cigarette that he'd found the day before, and lit it up. If there was ever a time for a smoke, this was it. After all, chances were quite good that it wouldn't be cigarette that killed him, or anyone in the world, for that matter.

00000

Michonne showered, and changed into a fresh long t shirt and crawled into her bed. She shut the blinds as tightly as she could. She did not want a trace of daylight hitting her face.

All she wanted to do was sleep, sleep as long as humanly possible.

The last image she had before finally giving in to slumber was of watching Rick, escorted by Jessie, walking away. He hadn't even turned back to look at Michonne.

He hadn't looked at her.

And for the first time in a long, long, long time, Michonne cried. She cried and she cried until she thought she would never ever be able to cry again.

She opened herself up to Rick. She certainly didn't blame him for her attack.

Logically she couldn't even blame him for letting others dictate his care now, to help him get back on his feet.

He was in a state of shock, he was reunited with his kids.

But that should have been her by Rick's bedside, and not Jessie.

Rick should be resting in Michonne's bed to gather his strength

But he wasn't, and she was there, all alone, praying that she would never wake up from this eternal nightmare.

She didn't even clutch her katana, though her ordeal would have made anyone carry their weapons near and ready to use if need be.

At that moment, though, Michonne didn't care. She just ...she'd lost her strength to care.

tbc


	14. Chapter 14

As Michonne angrily scrubbed the traces of her attackers' scents and touches off of her in the shower, she closed her eyes, drifting off to a very distant moment. A very recent moment.

 _His kiss was not what she'd expected it to be like...and once that thought entered her mind within a couple of seconds of their lips touching for the first time, Michonne realized that for her, kissing Rick had always been in her realm of possibility._

 _It wasn't like she'd daydreamed about Rick...first of all, she was not a teenage girl...and more importantly, what she was now feeling was not puppy love, or infatuation. It was more...and as she opened her eyes to gauge his reaction, she knew right away this was more for Rick as well._

 _He was impulsive, acting on emotions, sure. Not all the time, and lately he'd been trying really hard to keep that part of himself in check._

 _And when he couldn't...well, a well timed knock out from the woman who always had his back hadn't hurt him._

 _He hadn't even been angry when she interrupted his emotional outburst in Alexandria._

 _He knew she was doing it for him. He didn't have to ask, and she didn't have to say._

 _And when their eyes met in between kisses, she saw a whole different side of Rick Grimes than she had ever believed was possible._

 _She saw the man she knew without a shadow of a doubt that she would risk her life for, and die for him if that day ever came._

 _The best part...his eyes told her very much that he felt the same way about her._

 _It hadn't been the ideal circumstance for them to discover each other in this new light...Rick having been banished from their home by his family and friends._

 _Leaving the relative safety of the walls of Alexandria certainly hadn't been on her agenda for that day._

 _But then again, neither had making love with Rick._

 _His limited mobility due both to his physical and emotional distress was most certainly not an obstacle for him._

 _He couldn't really touch her the way she now realized she would enjoy...but this was right in its own way, too._

 _As Rick laid on his back, his hair amiss, his face showing signs of distress, fear, anxiety..._

 _He still looked perfect to her._

 _Perfect._

 _His good hand reached to touch her face, but Michonne just took the reigns. She gently took his hand...knowing how vulnerable he must have been feeling...and she pressed his knuckles against her lips._

 _At first it wasn't as if she was really kissing his hand...but the intimate gesture was nonetheless quite telling._

 _It was pull and push...if he needed to guide, she would follow. Or at a moment like this, where Rick had put his life and safety...not to mention his heart...in Michonne's hands...she would lead him to a place where they would both feel safe together._

 _She could feel his hands tense up against her lips, so, knowing how Rick felt, what he needed, she continued. She touched his face, letting his hand slide down softly to his side. By redirecting the sense he was experiencing at the moment, Michonne was doing everything- all by instinct- to make sure Rick would not feel self-concious around her._

 _Time was not guaranteed for anyone in that world they were living in, and who knew what the future held for Michonne and Rick._

 _But where she was at-by his side, his body against hers, was exactly where she needed to be._

Michonne had lost herself so completely in her memory of her encounter with Rick, she almost forgot where she was.

And then the door knocked.

"Michonne..."

She closed her eyes. It was Sasha.

"Michonne...i need you to let me know you're okay, or I'm coming in."

Still, Michonne let the water pour down her face, in no hurry to face anyone.

"I've seen the insides on the outsides of some of the people I loved most in this world, so don't think I'm going to let you being in the shower prevent me from coming in...now answer me!" Sasha demanded..

So reluctantly, Michonne turned off the water, wrapped herself in a towel, and cracked the door open. "I'm fine." She tried to close the door, but Sasha's hand stopped her.

"You were in there a long time..."

"You my mother?" Michonne growled.

"No," Sasha replied. "I'm your friend. I know it was light out when you came in this house, and the sun is now starting to turn directions. You wanna let me know what happened out there?"

"No." Michonne stared icily at her fellow survivor.

"Don't give me that. You and I, we haven't always seen eye to eye. You put me in check, and lord knew I needed it. I'm not better...I'm just...I'm just trying a little bit harder. So if you expect me to walk away and let you..."

"I don't expect anything from you," the still towel-clad female countered. "Expectations can get you in trouble. Just go."

"Michonne..."

"I said I'm fine. Just go."

"Don't you want to know who sent me to check on you..." Sasha quired. "it was Carl. He's worried sick about you. He's just torn...he's got Judith, and his dad...he is having it tough right now...maybe tomorrow if you feel like it you can talk to him...I know he listens to you."

"How is Rick?" Michonne asked quietly, her voice now softening.

"Tired. Jessie's trying hard to keep him sheltered...I get that he needs his rest, but maybe she doesn't know just how much our group loves Rick," Sasha smiled. With a brief wink of her eye, Sasha left, and Michonne wondered exactly what she meant by that.

No one knew about her and Rick and what had changed between them...when they left everyone knew Rick was into Jessie.

Rick would make this right, when he was ready. He'd let the group know, he'd let Jessie know...he wouldn't let Michonne down...he never had. Still, the thought crossed her mind that there was a first time for everything.

She sank on her bed, secretly hoping that the first time she'd been with Rick wouldn't be their last.

But as always, in this world, if something seemed too good to be true, it usually was.

And then Michonne threw a shirt on, climbed underneath her covers, and she slept. She slept and she slept, and the few times she woke up, the only thought that came to her mind was Rick.

tbc


	15. Chapter 15

All through the night Rick tried to piece together what had happened. Michonne- was she hurt, had she been raped- then he swore he could still hear voices of multiple men, and the thought of what she might have been through pulled him back into the unconscious realm. This one he was living in was getting harder and harder to adjust to by the day.

For a few minutes Rick wondered if he was on his death bed, when he remained awake long enough to put together a coherent thought. It was like he'd always heard, that old cliche about life passing before one's eyes when they were drawing their last few breaths.

There was his high school days- Shane included. Shane had always gotten all the girls back then, and Rick laughed, although it was hard having to live in the shadow of Shane. Some things didn't change the more of life Rick had went on to experience.

Of course there was Lori- his finishing the academy, his first day on the job and how Lori was so upset she made him call every two hours to let her know he was okay. It was a shame she hadn't checked on him nearly that much when he fell into a coma after being shot, when the world as they all knew it changed.

The birth of Carl...how scared he'd been to hold his son for the first time. Lori always reminding him to support his head, to be careful when he changed his diaper, to be sure to warm the bottles properly.

And then things got blurry. Real blurry.

Judith, of course meant as much to him as Carl did. But her birth- well, even should Rick truly be dying, he really wasn't going to ever be ready or willing to reconcile her birth with Lori's death. Some things just shouldn't try to be explained.

"Rick..."

The voice was familiar. Very, very familiar.

"Rick, you came back to us, you gave us quite the scare," Lori smiled as she wiped away the sweat and debris from his forehead.

He tried to speak and sit up, but she shushed him and just smiled. "It's okay, I'm here now. I won't let anything happen to you. You gave us all quite a scare."

He really, really wished he could speak- his throat was pretty sore, and it was all he could to do whisper Lori's name.

"don't try to do to much. Then again, you are Rick Grimes, " Lori chuckled softly. "When aren't you doing too much?"

At first Rick smiled, knowing that was a pretty apt description of him. And then his eyes widened as thoughts of Michonne came to his mind...

he hadn't done enough. He hadn't protected Michonne, he hadn't kept her safe.

Just as he'd let Lori down, he'd let Michonne down in the worst possible way.

Both women had depended on him. Lori had always been needy, but Michonne, she was different. Sh didn't need anyone- and things started to fall into place. She'd left the relative safety of Alexandria- and she left to be with him.

She had put aside her own somewhat secure future to stay by his side. She walked away from her friends and family, Carl included- and she had put her life in his hands.

And he hadn't been able to a damn thing to help her.

Rick sat up, beads of sweat and tears falling down his face. Panicked, he began to call out "Michonne, Michonne...Michonne...No..."

The voice he'd presumed to belong to Lori spoke to him again. "It's okay, Rick. It's me, Jessie. Michonne's okay. She's resting. The girls are checking in on her. She's okay. Just lie down and you can check on her later when you're a little bit more rested."

Rick looked around, quite confused. This wasn't Lori speaking to him. This wasn't his bed. And this wasn't the home he shared with his kids and with Michonne.

Then there was a knock on the door. "Is my dad okay?" Carl called out.

"He's fine, Carl," Jessie smiled. "He just had a bad dream. He's going back to sleep now. You should get some rest too. I'll let you know if anything changes.

So Carl shut the door behind him, and turned to Michonne, who'd shown up to also check on Rick. "Jessie says he's resting. I'm going to go home and get some stuff for him. You coming?"

She said nothing as she stared at the door, knowing it was Jessie's hand who was providing comfort for Rick. It should be her in there, and although that might not sound reasonable to anyone else- Michonne knew what had happened between herself and Rick. She knew the good, the bad, everything that had led them to this point in their relationship. She was tired, and knew Rick must be as well.

Still, the thought of Jessie's hand wiping away Rick's sweat, her eyes seeing his tears, his inner and very private pain bothered Michonne. It bothered her a lot.

Yes, she was still tired, very sore physically and even more raw emotionally.

Perhaps under different circumstances she could wait this out, wait to talk to Rick, wait for events to unfold organically.

But as it was now, Michonne had overcome too much to let her walls down for Rick; she was a very guarded person, and had lost everything she'd ever cared about before meeting Rick. There was no way in hell she would allow herself to go through that kind of pain again. It would have been better if those men had succeeded in killing her, because she would never, ever let herself be open to any kind of emotional loss again.

And it was in that moment that Michonne knew what she had to do- she was leaving Alexandria. And she knew Daryl was a good tracker- but she also knew that she could make sure she could never, ever be tracked down.

And with the image of Jessie tending to Rick's side planted firmly in her mind, Michonne knew that she would not be around to witness any more of those scenes.

So at sundown, Michonne followed through with her own promise to herself, and she slipped out quietly away from the shelter of Alexandria- and away from the possibility of getting her heart torn out figuratively by Rick Grimes.

It would have been better if she'd never met him At least that's what she told herself as she lifted her bag over her shoulder, katana secured firmly across her shoulder, not giving her home with Rick and Carl a second glance back.

tbc


	16. Chapter 16

The next few weeks were a blur for Michonne. Trying her best to use her Daryl Dixon-inspired tracking skills, she was able to avoid detection, thankfully, by both man and walker. Food was getting scarce- usual places she would have normally been able to find had been long cleared and picked through. Someone or some people were working this area good, she figured. Perhaps it had been the Alexandrians, although, if Rick were still in bad shape, who knew if they were quite capable to go to the extremes that this group or these groups obviously had in order to salvage food.

But thinking of Rick, trying as hard as she could not to, was still very much a burden on Michonne's mind. She loved him, but just..well, things were different. Why they should be, she wasn't quite sure. No one knew about the moment she and Rick had shared. But Rick did. He should have been with her, not letting Jessie tend to him. The Rick she knew and had feelings for would have been too proud to let anyone, except for maybe Michonne herself, see him so weak and vulnerable. But maybe she didn't really know Rick Grimes the way she thought she once did.

She couldn't lie to herself- this being out on her own, it was no picnic. Occasionally she thought about returning to Alexandria, but there would be questions, ones she would never want to answer. Questions from the group. From Carl. And from Rick. For some reason she believed she now was in more fear of Rick than she had ever been of anyone, even the governor.

The governor, she knew what he was about, what he was capable of doing, what he wanted to do to her. He wanted to kill her- it was clear. But Rick- what did he really want from her? A lover, a wife, a partner- a way to pass the time? A way to get ready for whomever he really wanted to be with?

Michonne was strong, fierce, loyal, independent, a survivor in every sense of the word.

But the only thing that truly terrified her at that point in her life was falling in love completely with Rick. And she didn't quite know why.

All she knew was that for her sake, she had to forget about him.

She could be just scared of getting hurt, of being vulnerable, the usual feelings that came to most people when beginning new relationships. In that sense perhaps this new world hadn't totally changed every rule of the living.

She was a smart woman, more so than most people realized about her- although never had anyone once mistaken Michonne for a fool.

She could see things in other people that they were unable to see in themselves, and she was always there, never judging, helping them figure things out for themselves. Unless they needed a good knock to the head to bring them there, which, she smiled, she had to actually do to Rick.

Then she heard noises- sounded like walkers.

Time to take cover.

Her stomach, which had been rumbling something fierce for the past few days, was now growling so loudly that she knew she had to eat- immediately. A wave of nausea hit her like never before, and for the first time, she was truly convinced she was going to starve to death.

She hid where she could, in some bushes, and then the most revolting thought came to her mind. There were a couple of worms near a tiny mud puddle. She could drink the muddy water, or she could swallow the worms, then down the taste with the muddy water.

But as revolting and pathetic as that sounded, Michonne knew her stomach's grumbling could call undue and unwanted attention to herself.

Taking a deep breath, and closing her eyes, she knelt to the ground, and picked up one of the worms. Shaking her head, Michonne tried to tighten her nostrils in order to avoid having to even smell what she was about to feast on. This was truly humiliating. Good thing no one was around to see her in this moment of weakness.

At least that's what she was thinking.

"Stop right there, young lady!"

Michonne didn't know what to do. She'd clearly been discovered, and was in no position to fend herself off from her would be attacker.

Unfortunately, she was in no position, either, to fend of the waves of hunger and nausea that had been plaguing her.

She turned to the side, and began to empty the contents of her stomach, whatever contents were in there to begin with.

She felt the hand of this stranger touch her hair, and she tried to both steady herself and reach for her Katina.

"Ssh, ssh, young lady. You have nothing to fear. I mean you no harm. Allow me to be a gentleman, as I take great pride in being, and let me hold back your glorious locks. You are not in a position to really debate- I only wish to assist a damsel in her time of need."

Too sick to even take notice of this person, she threw up a bit more. This man handed her what appeared to be a handkerchief, and a sip of water.

She eyed him carefully, still crouching down to the ground.

"I see you mistrust me. Please." He opened the bottle of water, lifted it and poured it into his mouth. It was clear to her that this, after making sure he swallowed, this water was suitable, so she accepted it and drank it straight down.

"Let me help you. I have shelter, community- food. I mean you no harm. "

She eyed him mysteriously. "Why?"

"This may be the end of the world, but I don't see why chivalry has to die out along with the rest of humanity," the man grinned.

"You've got to be kidding me," she sighed as she gathered her bearings.

"Beg your pardon?"

"Nothing...I..."Michonne grabbed her katana and looked around furiously. "That noise...it sounds like a...:"

"Like a tiger?" the man grinned ear to ear. "That, my new friend, is my dear pet Shiva. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Ezekiel As you can see, I am an uncommon man, the tiger being the least of what is uncommon about me. Shiva is protective of me, but she is secured to my tether Come along, won't you dear? We need to put some weight on you. Food, I mean, naturally."

Michonne couldn't believe this was real- surely she was dying and hallucinating or something. But the roar of this tiger was very real, and so she allowed this Ezekiel fellow to help her up, and she cautiously walked on his side- the side furthest from this tiger.

This was going to be one hell of a journey.

tbc


	17. Chapter 17

Back at Alexandria

Weeks had gone by, and everyone had noticed a change in Rick. From Carol to Rick to Morgan, Daryl, and Jessie, everyone had gone to his little home, trying to see if they could get inside his head, to lift him back up to his leader status.

The one person who had the innate ability to know what Rick was thinking, feeling, and why without needing him to explain himself was no longer among them.

That person, of course, was Michonne.

Rick was in and out of what some had considered a fugue, where his mind transformed reality into something blank, something less frightening than that they were all living with.

Unfortunately, time was pressing on, and it appeared as if bigger threats than the walkers were on the horizons.

Daryl and Aaron had gone out on food runs, and had run across a man called Jesus. He had talk, news of a man called Negan. Not much was known about him, other than he was clearly a threat they should steer clear from. It was also clear that they would not be able to go undettected by Negan and his group for much longer.

One thing was certain- Rick was very much needed among his group, his friends and family. But as hard as everyone tried, no one could reach him.

Jessie came by as her usual routine, to bathe and feed him, and offer comfort. Rick had gone back to his own place, against her protests. But Carl had spoken for his father, and proclaimed that Rick wouldn't want to be a patient of anyone..he needed to find his own way back to reclaiming his life.

Rick was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, anything to avoid looking at himself. He could tell he was in dire need of a shave, but that was the last thing on his mind. His hand..well, of course it stood to reason he hadn't come to terms with the loss of such a pivotal limb. Carl had tried to talk to his dad, but Rick was clearly putting a wall of his own up. It had always been hard for Carl to know how to deal with his father when he would get mentally lost, but Carl had come to trust that Rick would always find a way to bounce back.

He had his suspicions that part of Rick's self-imposed exile had something to do with Michonne's leaving, but he couldn't be sure.

The one person, ironically, that Carl would have been able to run his theory by was Michonne herself. Rick was not the only one badly missing Michonne and the comforting ear she would lend the Grimes family.

So Carl went back and forth between wanting to help his dad heal, wanting to yell at his dad for letting himself get into the shape he was, and wanting to blame him for Michonne leaving. Being a teenager had never, ever been easy for anyone. Try growing up in this world, Carl would mutter whenever Carol would try to connect with him.

So on this morning, Jessie took the cool cloth, ready to gently cleanse Rick's face, when she was shocked in to stillness.

Rick had grabbed her with his good arm, grabbed her wrist, and stopped her from touching him.

Jessie looked around, wondering what to do next.

"Leave me be, Jessie," Rick finally growled out in a voice so low, so throaty that she wasn't sure that he had really spoken.

"Rick? Rick! Hi..." she smiled and replied soothingly. "It's me, Jessie. Do you know where you are.."

"Of course I know where I am. Do you know where you are..or where your children are?" Rick replied flatly as he stared at the ceiling.

She was clearly taken aback and her voice choked with emotion. "Rick..I'm here. My boys are fine.."

"Are they?" As he turned to face her, Jessie suddenly felt a bit frightened by the sight of Rick Grimes. He looked pale, to be expected, but there was absolutely no emotion registering on her face. Suddenly being so close to him in his room was the last place she wanted to be.

"I'll go get Daryl.." she started to get up, but Rick tightened his grip on her wrist.

"Jessie, you need to leave me be. I don't need this..." he scoffed and tossed the pan of bathing water she'd had prepared for him. "I don't need you to mother me. You have your own kids to look after."

"Rick?" she cried out. "I don't understand..I've been trying to help you..."

"You're not the only one who doesn't understand. I don't understand a lot of what's gone down here. I don't understand, and I don't like things as they are. So bring me Daryl. But have him bring Carol too. I have a whole lot of questions that need answered."

Jessie trembled as chills went down her back. They'd all been awaiting Rick's comeback, but for some reason, she now began to think that hell might be breaking loose.

She thought of the way the town ostracized Rick, had sent him away.

How Michonne had gone with him, and now Rick was back and Michonne was still gone.

They- the residents- had always turned to Rick for answers to their questions, but now it seemed the lot of them had a whole lot of explaining to him to do.

This was going to be a bad, bad day.

tbc


	18. Chapter 18

Michonne, accompanied by this majestic character, Ezekiel, as well as his equally majestic companion, Shiva, had arrived at a small but significant Outpost community known as The Kingdom. Of course, Michonne knew better than to let her gaurd down. She had learned all too painfully at Woodbury the dangers of getting too familiar with strangers. At this point in life, it was safest to assume every stranger was a serious and potentially lethal threat. But as she looked around, as the aromas of the variety of fresh fruits and vegetables awakened her olfactory senses, Michonne briefly found herself wishing that Rick were there with her at that moment.

But the visual of jessie, with her clothed hand bathing Rick quickly replaced any feeling of nostalgia that Michonne was experiencing.

It was irrational, perhaps, but Michonne had prided herself on being a warrior, being fierce enough to survive in this world as it were; perhaps it wasn't as much that Jessie was a threat to Michonne as much as her own soft spot for Rick Grimes were.

In the best of any situation, love was always a risk. But life as it had become...was anything but safe.

She had gotten pretty damn good at survivng prior to meeting Rick, and that wasn't about to change just because she had kind of gotten used to his touch.

"My dear, where are you?" Ezekiel interrupted her thoughts. ""I sense you are not with us, not in spirit anyhow. "

"I'm fine," Michonne growled as she greedily accepted the apple that an attendant of "the king" had offered her.

The man smiled and Michonne snapped at him. "What are you looking at?

Instead of responding in anger, the man chuckled.

"Easy, now, Jerry. Our guest has had quite the ordeal. Now, I will be escorting her to the quarters nearest mine; please prepare her a fine dinner and serve her before the light of the moon draws near."

This Jerry, apparently amused, laughed again. And Michonne was not nearly as amused.

"My dear lady," Ezekiel spoke up. "Come, now. Jerry is a trusted servant: indeed, he is a dear friend of this kingdom. He means you no ill will. Be assured."

"As long as he brings me my dinner.." Michonne groused, to the delightment of the king.

***†***†*****†**††************†*******

Rick thought about Michonne, Alexandria, and his closest friends. He himself was quite unclear as to the status of this entire group, whom he could trust, whom would be capable under any circumstance..and whom would likely be a liability. Unfortunately, there were more on the list for the latter than for the former.

So much had happy, so many people had turned out to be so vile that anymore, walkers we're nearly an after thought. Almost, but that threat was very much still real. that made it even more imperative that Rick knew beyond a shadow of a doubt whom his true allies were.

That was part of the confusion.. Daryl, Carol turning on him..it didn't add up. By now, Rick knew Carol well enough to know that she always has motives for her actions. What they were, still unclear to Rick and very much needed to be be made clear.

Then there was Carl, Rick's son...

As Rick gathered his tho, there was a knock on his bedroom door.

It was Carl, who couldn't help but take note of the bandage that now was worn around Rick's wrist.

"Dad?" Carl started, his voice shaking.

Rick turned around, his eyes meeting those of his son. "Carl.."

Carl ran up to his dad and embraced him. No words were neither spoken nor needed at that moment. Carl would always be very much the son of Rick Grimes.

"I miss Michonne," Carl finally spoke up.

Rick pulled back and looked at his son in mild amusement. "You do? Rick had to smile.

"Yeah. I think Mom would have liked her," Carl replied innocently.

Now Rick had to chuckle. "I doubt that, son."

"I think about mom a lot. Well, sometimes it hurts too much to think about her. So I make myself think about something else."

Rick smiled. "I miss her too, Son. More than you know."

"I know you two had problems. I know about Shane," Carl responded flatly.

Rick flinched. "It's complicated.."

" I know. Grown up stuff. But I know she loved me and would have loved Judith so much."

Rick looked down, feeling suddenly quite sad at the direction this conversation was taking.

"But I know Michonne is good for you. She's cool. I told you a long time ago that she's one of us. She still is. Don't give up on her. "

Carl then left the room. Rick certainly had his issues with Lori, that was true. But undoubtedly she would be so proud of how her beloved son had turned out.

He knew he had to face his group, to talk about feeling and problems and stuff. Ironically, Lori had always bitched about how Rick was so bad about dealing with those types of things.

And he closed his eyes , and ever so briefly, he could almost hear all of their past arguments.

Tbc


End file.
